So, can I just break the weeks-long blog silence? By telling you all that my summer planning never really came to any fruition at all? I mean, like AT ALL.
Pretty much none of the things that I planned ever happened. I don’t really know what happened to summer. We didn’t read the books I had hoped we would read or do some of the fun projects that I had thought we would do or practice math or visit Grandma in Cinci or discover a new letterbox weekly. We didn’t even get to the lake all that often.
I am still sort of shocked that it’s August. Let alone MID-August. Yikes. It’s hard for me not to just label the whole thing one big, dismal FAILURE. And the perfectionist in me is scared to death of THAT. And the putterer in me is a little bit afraid that maybe I have some real issues to think through in who I want to be and how I spend my time.
It’s true. I really am wrestling with some things about myself. But, don’t be sad for me. It’s not a bad thing. Wrestling can be a really healthy thing. I think I’ll wait and share more about that process at a later date.
But, I just wanted to let you know that I’m still here. This blog is still one of my favorite places to be. (In fact, my sweet, newish friend, Hannah, is about to give it a facelift!! I am super excited. But, I digress. More on that later, too.)
I think I was just sort of embarrassed to admit that my summer planning was a flop this year.
And that I yelled at the kids a lot more than I wanted to. Especially when they bickered or were ungrateful. I’m sure I read in one of Dobson’s books that screaming at your kids because they’re screaming at each other is the best way to parent. You remember that book, too. Right? *wink*
And I allowed myself to get stressed-out way more than I think is right. All of you dear friends who really know me, know that I am not a good multi-tasker. For real. I know, I know. Women are supposed to be these global-type thinkers who can have lots of things going at one time and multi-task with ease. Not me. At all. Instead, I putter around looking at all the tasks and then get stressed-out because I’m out of time to do them. Ask my kids. They know this better than anyone.
So, that’s my sob story. I knew I couldn’t just pick up writing again without admitting it to you. Summer simply didn’t turn out the way I had planned.
But, you know, I am reminding myself that it really wasn’t a failure. Some really neat things happened this summer. I’ll tell you a few highlights tomorrow. Because I want to cultivate gratitude. I want to be mindful of the beauty.
God makes beautiful things – even when I do a so-so job of cultivating space for them to grow.