Confessions of a Putterer

It’s time for me to just admit it. I’m a putterer.

There I said it. I’m still dealing with the reality of identifying myself this way. In fact, I’ve been meaning to say it for a while now. But, well, I keep putting it off.

That’s what putterers do. They We dabble. And ponder. And think about doing things. Lots of things. I mean, really. Let’s be realistic. The world is a cool place. There’s lots to do and see and be interested in. Lots.

They We also pile things. Everywhere.

Because they we have about 50 million different things we’re interested in.

People don’t talk about puttering very much. It’s not very American-dream-purpose-driven-ish.

 If you’re a creative type, you might totally “get” puttering. Although, artsy types are also often very passionate – so maybe they don’t putter as much. If they’re really captured by something, I mean.

If you’re Type A, you totally DO NOT “get” puttering. I know this because I’m married to Ultra-Type-A Man. When we did his personality profile for his seminary classes, he was most likened to Napoleon. There are only like 2% of him in the whole world. (Yes, I realize the whole Napoleon thing might mess with your perception of him as Pastor. But, he’s a darn good one; so that’s for another time.) Anyway, I’m guessing Napoleon didn’t putter much. And, maybe he even cut off the heads of people around him who did. (To clarify, my puttering has never driven Rick to violence. But, it’s safe to say that he doesn’t really “get” it… )

Here’s the funniest part of the whole puttering thing. I didn’t know I was a putterer until recently. I’m 40 years old and I’m still figuring out major things about myself. Go figure. (If you’re one of my 20-something CRU pals, I’m sorry. I know you were hoping you’d have it all figured out by 30 at the latest. But, here’s the plain, honest truth: you probably won’t.)

I’m pretty sure the reason that it took me so long to figure it out is just self-denial. I’m the oldest child. Always feeling very responsible. A bit of a perfectionist in some ways. (Just a bit. My sisters are laughing at this understatement. Unless you compare me to Ultra-Type-A Man. Then, it’s less than a bit.) Definitely very people-pleaserish and performance-oriented. The puttering thing aside, Ultra-Type-A Man and I really do have a lot in common and we’ve always been involved with ministries and organizations “on the move.” Puttering doesn’t really fit in with this whole scenario very well.

But, it’s time to just admit it. I AM A PUTTERER. Now, if only I could embrace it and know what to do with it.

They say confession is good for the soul. So, here are a few confessions from a newly identified putterer. 

  1. The JoAnn Fabrics headquarters is near my home. So the JoAnn Etc store here is REALLY big and well-stocked. That is bad for me. Because I want to try everything. Knitting, sewing, jewelry-making, quilting, scrabooking, card-making, etc… On more than one occasion I have bought something there and had to take it back because I really don’t have to time or money to learn that new thing right now.
  2. Who am I kidding? Shopping in general is bad for me. Because all kinds of random things interest me. Even if I don’t plan to buy them. This makes errand-running take twice as long as it should. (In fact, do you know how many cool and useful kitchen gadgets there are? I digress.)
  3. I have a love-hate relationship with the internet. Why I love it: I can read and explore so many things on the internet.  Why I hate it: I can read and explore so many things on the internet. Bookstores and libraries. Same thing.
  4. Saying “no” is hard for me. Because most everything sounds like a good idea to me. (Well, not everything. I’m pretty sure… Again, I digress.)
  5. I don’t always finish well. My great ideas get interrupted by other great ideas and, well, I struggle with the follow through. This is a bit of a problem in a family where “McKees are never quitters” is the family mantra.
  6. When I get around to it, I’m starting a file for all my great ideas of cool things to do, explore, photograph, and write about.
  7. “When I get around to it” is a good bad putterer phrase. I would submit, actually, that puttering IS NOT the same as procrastinating. (But, that might be another list. This one is getting too long.)
  8. Puttering and perfectionism can be a weird combo to have inside of one person. It can create a lot of inner turmoil and self-condemnation.
  9. Puttering is hard in a smallish house. Especially if you share it with 3 other people and one of them is Ultra-Type-A-Man. (He has learned to be so patient and gracious with me on this.) If I could add one room to my house, it would probably be a putter room. A cool attic-type room where I could pile all my projects and interests and articles and books and stuff without driving my husband nutso. If you have a putter room, I’m very jealous. (Do you think God will have a putter room ready for me in heaven? Or does He hate that I putter? Hence the inner turmoil. Digressing. Again.)
  10. I blame this whole puttering thing on my mom. Because blaming stuff on your parents is the really cool thing to do nowadays. And, I’m pretty sure it really is her fault. She’s the Queen Putterer.
  11. Surely there’s a better way to describe us putterers. Maybe we’re just eclectic? (Yeah. I like that better. Because it’s hard to admit being a putterer.  At least it was for me.)
  12. I wonder, is puttering just another form of ADD in disguise?

So, I’m a putterer an eclectic. Truth be told, it complicates things when you live in a culture of busyness and deadlines. And it’s harder to be intentional. But, it’s not all bad.

In fact, it’s part of what makes me a good writer…

When I actually follow-thru on one of my great ideas and get around to posting, that is.

The Day Laughter Transformed Me

We’re laughing hard now. Laying in her loft together. Just laughing. Pure silliness. If I were to recount the story it probably wouldn’t even seem so funny today. But, in this moment the joy is bubbling over and we are just laughing.

Then the giggles finally start to slip away and we’re just snuggling content. And she asks it quiet. The question that punches me in the gut. “Mama, why don’t you laugh like that with me more often?” She’s not trying to condemn. It’s just a sincere question from a nine-year-old heart.

But it cuts me to the quick.

She doesn’t even know it but she has stirred deep longings and haunting questions in this heart of mine.

And I wonder, when did all the “hurry ups” and “did you finish your chores” and “it’s time to settle down” replace the laughter? When did serving them and teaching them trade with loving them and enjoying them? When did I swap joining with them in the fun with just watching them laugh? When did I assume it had to be either one or the other? Instead of both?

I’m not sure really. But, if I were to venture a guess, I’d say it was about the same time that I started reading books on time management and home organization. And following strict systems for parenting.

And looking for some secret sauce that would make me a worthy woman.

Because that’s really the issue, isn’t it? The deeper questions of worth and value that nag our hearts. Am I lovely and precious? Usually, it’s not really that we have this deep longing for better organization in our kitchen cupboards. It’s that we think our organized cupboards say something about our value. It’s not that we are deeply convicted that having our kids on a schedule at 3-weeks-old is the most critical thing we’ll ever do as parents. It’s that we feel a profound need for some way to measure how we’re doing as new parents.

Now, lest you think I’m just throwing all caution to the wind, let me clarify. It’s not that the books or parenting suggestions were bad in and of themselves. They really weren’t. In fact, I’ll keep reading them. Tips and tools and shared solutions can be incredibly helpful as we navigate life.

It’s that I started to depend on them. To try and manage this life of mine by these benchmarks that some experts somewhere said were important.

I wanted to control all of it. The clutter. The schedule. The kids. The husband. The appearances. The budget. I wanted to have dominion over all of it. And not necessarily (if I am brutally honest with myself and you) so that I could bless others. But, because I felt better about myself when I was on top of everything.

But, let’s be realistic. It’s hard to stay on top of everything when the pile gets unruly and finally spills over the sides. When the kids don’t respond quickly to your new chore idea. Or your weighty, insightful, wisdom-filled conversation with your son doesn’t produce the breakthrough you were hoping for. Or you get lazy with your responsibilities. Or the roots grow back into the pipe in the basement so it needs snaked again at $200 a pop. And the washing machine breaks. In the same month that the root thing happens. Or you tend to overcommit so you say “no” to the PTO this year and you’re sure everyone hates you for stepping back. Or you feel like a heel because your friend’s birthday snuck up on you AGAIN and you forgot to call. Or you eat another BBQ potato chip when you had already promised yourself you wouldn’t even eat one.

And somewhere in the midst of all that jockeying and stressing and covering, you stop laughing. At least not very much. And you’re so consumed with wondering if you’re valuable that you miss all the beauty and art and joy that is happening around you.

Yuck.

BUT…  here’s the thing. I think I’m finally discovering the secret sauce. It’s all wrapped up in what gives me worth. I mean, I knew about the sauce. I discovered it 20+ years ago as a college sophomore when I read Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church. (Bonus Hint for the Day: The recipe for worth is actually quite simple. It’s just being in Him. Go read it for yourself!) The problem was that I just kept trying to tweak the recipe with my own ingredients. And it wasn’t very yummy. Trust me.

But, I’m tired of trying to concoct my own recipe. I’ve got to settle this issue of my value. In my heart of hearts, I’ve got to rest. And taking a nice deep breath isn’t going to suffice.

Here’s why. All of those life issues: the finances and the parenting and running my home well and loving my husband and getting where I need to be on time (fully clothed AND in my right mind). They all still need to happen. And I won’t always get them right. Probably not even usually. (Well, at least, hopefully, the fully clothed part.)

And people might like me less because I can’t get them all right all the time.

But my worth doesn’t hinge on a breakthrough conversation with my son or a perfectly orchestrated schedule. My worth has to be rooted in something deeper than that. Something timeless and unshakeable.

Someone.

Someone who makes beautiful things out of the dust.

And He does.

He also takes the furrowed brow of the stressed-out Mama. And bubbles up laughter instead.

__________________________________________________________________

Linking up with Ann’s community today:

The Parable of the Banana Bread

I made four loaves of banana bread this weekend. I love homemade bread and the way the smell of it wafts through the house. What is about baking that is so warm and inviting? That draws us into a place?

My Madison came home from a friend’s to it and was drawn immediately into the kitchen – mesmerized. “Banana bread,” she mouthed. Her face was awash with delight as she breathed it in, peeking in the oven to see when it would be finished.

And hope did not disappoint as I sliced the still-steaming loaf and slathered on a bit of butter for her. As she savored the first bite, everything about her said “contentment.”

And that is precisely why we Mama’s do it. Why it’s worth it to take the time…

But the thing I love most about making banana bread is the way that it makes me like Jesus. Yes. Just like Him. (For a moment at least.)

You see, when I make banana bread, I get to take old, nobody-is-ever-going-to-eat-these bananas and turn them into something beautiful. The browner and less-appetizing the banana, the better the bread. When I’m smooshing them up and putting them into bowl, it’s down-right gross – especially if I had to freeze the bananas until I had a chance to bake. Ick.

But somehow, out of that mashed-up mess, I create a golden loaf of warm banana bread that delights the senses.   

And isn’t that just like Jesus? He’s always taking the broken, dead places and turning them into something amazing. Strengthening the bruised reed. Creating beauty from ashes. I hear stories of it all the time. How He brings good stuff out of the junk and the bad decisions in our lives.

Certainly you know about the dead stuff. Maybe you’ve come face to face with the carnage that your own sin leaves behind. Maybe you have a dream that hides in a dead place in your heart because it was just easier that way. The hoping was too painful. Perhaps it’s a relationship that has grown cold. Or an injustice that you can’t forgive. Maybe your New Year’s resolve has already bit the dust and you’re just tired of the fight.

It’s a smooshed-up mess, isn’t it? But, wait. Maybe there’s another way.

Maybe, could we give it to Jesus and ask Him to make banana bread?

Snow Storm Lessons from the Cardinal

We woke to even more snow this morning. It’s like a thick, fluffy layer of white frosting spread over all the earth - they say we’ve gotten 18 inches of it.

As I looked out my back window with my mug of tea this morning, I got to see these guys.

Four male cardinals gracing our pear tree. Their bright red plumage against the backdrop of the pure white snow. The contrast was beautiful… striking.

Sure, this snow storm is a bit of a hassle. The roads are bad and commutes are longer. It’s a lot of work keeping the snow under control on our sidewalks and driveways. School has been cancelled for two days. Just getting to the grocery sounds like an overwhelming mess.

But then there is this.

These cardinals. They don’t look quite so lovely against the greens of summer.

And, playing legos in your pjs seems a lot more adventurous when you’re snowed-in. I’m pretty sure, the hot cocoa tastes better, too. And, it seems so much happier when mom or dad gets home from the work commute safe and sound.

Not to mention all the facebook posts I’ve read about cookies being baked and games being played and families snuggled up under blankets together.

Perhaps we needed this snow storm. To help us see the cardinal for all his beauty. To have our breath taken away by the everyday stuff.

Feasting

We weren’t just eating. We were feasting… on life.

From the loud, four-year-old “Mama” called out from one end of the table to the other (he wanted to show her he could make the letter “V”) to the cousin giggles and Mad Lib games to the ribbing between brothers-in-law-become-friends to the folding-in of a few more who are just like family… it was a feast in the truest sense of the word. “Pass the garlic bread” was really code for pass the love. Pass the laughter and the pleasure of being together. Pass the common-bond that ties us even tighter than the sister bond – the one from the blood that runs not in our veins but from the Cross.

Pass it over and over again please! ‘Til I’m stuffed. Fill me up with these moments that nourish my soul…

___________________________________________________

We had many such moments this weekend and the gratitude flows easy this morning:

  • Living so near to my sisters
  • Worshipping with them Sunday after Sunday for these last two years
  • Impromptu after-church “let’s all go to lunch” dates
  • Friends who really are like family
  • Getting rain-soaked at the Carter’s fish fry  – and not wanting to leave because it was about the people, not the weather
  • A free Friday evening and all of us at home
  • Warm oatmeal cookies on a chilly fall day
  • Cozy blankets and mugs of hot tea as the weather changes and the cold winds blow
  • Saturdays with our Community Group – sharing food and burden and joy over God’s Word
  • Oranges and browns and yellow and reds
  • Music that leaves me undone

What about you? What were the moments that filled you up this weekend?
holy experience

Supermom and the Battle Against the Evil Nemesis Entropy

The first time I recall learning about the Second of Law of Thermodynamics (and its partner entropy) was in Middle School. You remember, right? It’s basically the idea that everything has a tendency toward disorder and decay. In layman’s terms, we call it Murphy’s Law. If something can go wrong, it will. Russian playwright Anton Chekhov once quipped that “only entropy is easy.” We all know this to be true.

However, I think I know it to be true now in ways I did not understand in 7th grade! Oh, I memorized it then. I even thought I understood it. But, now, I have lived it.

This constant struggle to bring order and purpose to my home. To make my work productive and lasting. Scientists call it entropy. Theologians call it the result of the Fall – Adam ate the fruit and our work has been cursed and frustrating ever since.

Let me just state the obvious and say that it’s hard to make progress when everything tends toward disorder!

Oh, the piles. I just had my piles under control and all manner of paperwork safely filed just where it is supposed to go. How do I already have a cluttered mess again? I had laundry clean and folded and even ironed. And then the man-child came home from football practice – in the rain. Oh, and didn’t I just mow and weed a few days ago?

The truth is, you just can’t cheat entropy. Not this side of heaven.

This came home to me in a very clear way last week.  I was tending to our patio furniture. The umbrella was a little green in places and needed cleaned. I had researched some suggestions on the internet and was going about my task (that Rick had asked me to take care of in June… yet another evidence of my tendency toward disorder but that is for another day). I had my bucket of warm, sudsy water mixed with vinegar and my soft bristled brush. The day was a fine one – unseasonably warm and clear for September in Ohio. I was so proud of myself.

Until the weather-worn fabric started to disintegrate and tear.

Now the umbrella is clean (well, kinda b/c I quit) but it has holes in it. Pretty much defeats the whole point of an umbrella, doesn’t it?

Similar issue with the chairs. A few years ago the fabric ripped so I put my domestic skills to good use and sewed new covers for them. They are slingback chairs that rely on a tension fit so I was a little nervous about making the covers and put it off endlessly. However, I did eventually conquer my fears and finish them. But not the cute little ottomans that go with them. Those I put off for two years until my poor husband was at his wits end waiting for me to act upon my environment and bring order to those darn chairs. I finally got the ottomans recovered (thanks to my accountability group) a few weeks ago.

Would you believe that two days later, when we went to sit down in that adorable little corner of the patio, that one of the  (now weather-beaten) chairs ripped ?

To which I say, “Hurry back, Jesus.”

In the meantime, we’ll be saving for new patio furniture… and fighting the good fight against entropy in our little corner of the world.

The List That Must Go On…

For some reason the gratitude list comes slowly this morning. My life is filled with abundance – relationally, spiritually, materially. I have plenty… and then some. But, for some reason I feel weary this morning.

So, in faith, I come with thanks.  My simple list as an offering to the One who never tires of giving. He who never exhausts His resources or has to hold back or finds Himself weary. And since the gifts never stop, may it be the same with the thanks…

  • Season’s first apple cider – warm in my cup with a hint of caramel and a dollop of whipped cream
  • a Book written by God… for us
  • Our puppy with her crooked ears and silly antics that make us laugh – I sort of hope those ears never straighten out
  • Piles of clean, folded laundry
  • A surprise time of scrapbooking with a sweet friend on Friday
  • Tea and pumpkin bread and good conversation in Billie Jean’s garden
  • For the joy and sorrow of being a “family” in Christ – on one Sunday I meet newborn Charlie in one breath and say goodbye to a dear couple (moving to Michigan) in another
  • Falling asleep night after night next to my best friend
  • Pumpkin patches and apple orchards that beckon – my favorite season is just beginning!
  • Free moments and choosing not to fill them with “scheduled” things
  • Waiting for Stella…
  • Rejoicing with Jen & Joel – engaged!
  • Sharing heart and life with Molly over caramel latte treats
  • Eric & Nicole fully funded and on campus – oh, KSU, you are so blessed to have them!
  • Hope that does not disappoint
  • Surprise visit from Uncle Bill and two beaming kiddos who love him so

 
holy experience

Listening to life…

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” F. Buechner, Now and Then

Buechner says what my heart knows to be true. So, I come today and continue my list of gratitudes for all my moments. May I be a woman who always looks to touch, taste, and smell my way to the holy and hidden heart of this mystery called life.

  • Family game night and Caleb laughing until he cried and Madison’s theatrics with the story cubes
  • Watching Rick love-on Caleb when he was hurting this weekend
  • Grace! I can’t get enough of it or seem to force it deep enough into my life
  • Family photos under the bridge on Friday and dinner with sweet friends who happen to be fantastic photographers
  • Needing extra blankets so that we can leave the windows open at night
  • A thunderstorm that led to cancelled football practice and a surprise night at home together
  • Little hints of changing leaves
  • News that Mom & Dad might visit soon
  • Being known and yet loved – even when I’m grumpy
  • Friday coffee date in the tucked away corner at Panera
  • Apple pie – lovingly baked and delivered by a dear friend

holy experience

Serendipitous: The Accidental Discovery of Something Pleasant

Yesterday I had lunch with some dear old friends on the campus where we served for 8 years (before Rick became Pastor to our precious Crossroads). Their oldest daughter would be heading off to college next Fall and they were visiting our campus.

We met John and Julie nearly 19 years ago just before we got married. When we decided to come on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and minister full-time to college students, they encouraged  us to follow hard after God’s purposes. Later they would even support us financially in that endeavor. You see, like many missionaries, Campus Crusade staff are paid by a team of people who commit to giving out of their personal finances so that those staff can work full-time in ministry. Raising that support can be a daunting and humbling task. Most staff would admit a love-hate relationship with support raising.

John and Julie partnered with us for all 15 of our years on staff with CCC. Faithfully giving so that we could take Jesus to an often dark and lonely place and love-on college students. And in so doing, they not only ministered to the students, they deeply encouraged our souls.

Like so many of our supporters they became a pseudo-family for us. Ministry can be heart-wrenching at times and life can just be hard. In the midst of several miscarriages and spiritual oppression on campus and moves to new universities and broken family relationships and financial uncertainty, we had a team of people who cared about us and sacrificed for us.

I feel a deep kinship for them. We’ve been off staff for nearly 3 years now but I still find myself in tears at times as I think about this “team” of people – they were a collection of people from different ages, walks of life, and places in the U.S. Some gave out of plenty, some scraped it together for us each month. They gave for different reasons, captured in some way by God’s love for students. God poured out His grace and provision in our lives through all of those people and students were changed as a result…

Two of those graduates joined us for that lunch yesterday. Justin & Emily are alums now. They’ve gotten married, and joined staff to do the very thing for others that we did for them.

So, there we were sitting in the sun on a warm fall day in the student center courtyard, eating subs and talking about our campus. John & Julie gave so that Justin & Emily could really know Jesus. John & Julie never got to meet Justin & Emily before. They only knew Rick & Shannon. And, they gave in faith, knowing God would use their gift to expand His kingdom. Now, Justin & Emily will help them get their daughter settled on campus.  

Isn’t life just crazy and the will of God so serendipitous? I don’t know why I’m surprised by it anymore…

Lego Lessons

He stood there longingly. Just a few dollars more and he would have enough for the Lego Star Wars ship that he’d been wanting. This week Target had them on a special display AND they were on sale. It was more than any 11-year-old boy should have to endure!

“Mom, could I just borrow a few dollars?” he pleaded. “I’ll pay you back when I get paid in a few days.” The angst in his voice, the pity on that face. It was hard to say “No, Buddy. Can’t do it.”

So many lessons in that one moment. So many little choices that are shaping him into a man who will steward money well. As parents, we so want to give to our kids, don’t we?  So much so, that it’s hard to keep those bigger truths in mind. I enjoy giving fun stuff to my kids.

But there ARE bigger issues at stake. Maybe, just maybe, we actually give them more when we remember those issues. Here are a few that came to mind for me as I stood in the aisle and comtemplated ruining Caleb’s day with my “no”:

  • Instant gratification isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is great personal satisfaction in saving for something and taking the time to discern if that’s what you really want/need. Sometimes in the process of saving for something, our kids discover that they really don’t even want it anymore.  
  • Debt is a trap. In a culture where credit is the norm and adults just borrow to remodel the basement or buy the new boat that we want, it’s hard to help our kids be free of this one. In truth, debt makes us slaves and limits our ability to make financial or job changes that might actually be better for us qualitatively.
  • You shouldn’t bank on money that you haven’t earned yet. Caleb was assuming he’d have enough at the end of the week based on chores he hadn’t done yet. What if something came up and he couldn’t do those chores? What if he dropped the ball and just didn’t get them done? He wouldn’t have that money to spend afterall and then he’d really be behind the proverbial eight-ball.
  • Hard work produces good reward. The ability to work and contribute to something bigger than yourself (in this case, our household) is a gift from God. Getting compensated for that hard work is a worthy incentive. It helps fight our tendency toward laziness and wanting someone else to take care of everything for us. Discipline and tenacity are qualities we want to cultivate in our  kids. Those don’t just happen when everything is easy.
  • We need to factor saving and giving into the money that we earn. Caleb has the potential to earn half his age – if he does all of his chores well and on time, he can earn $5.50/week. Caleb was thinking about the full $5.50 as money he could put toward his purchase. He was forgetting that we take 10% of his earnings for saving and another 10% to give back to the Lord.

Caleb didn’t really want to hear all of those great reasons when he was standing in Target looking at the Legos. Truth be told, I don’t always want to hear them either. The lies are all around us. “You deserve this.” “You will be happier if you go on this vacation or have this new gadget.” “Why should your neighbor drive a nicer car than you?”  It just seems to be the American way.

Well, I want to teach my kids a different way.

I don’t want them saddled with debt. I don’t want them to buy into the lie that a new Lego set will somehow fill a hole in their lives or make them exponentially happier. I don’t want financial gain to keep them from doing something risky with their lives like adopting an orphan or serving the neediest in a far off land in the name of Christ. If telling Caleb “no” to the borrowing will help that even a little bit, then I’ll do it. Even when I feel like I’m being a Big Meanie in the process.

 _________________________________________________________________

A disclaimer and a resource: I know there are lots of different perspectives on whether or not to pay kids for household chores. Respected leaders have said that they shouldn’t get paid for contributing to the normal household functioning and advocate only paying for unusual jobs. These philosophies encourage allowance and money management as a completely separate issue. I can respect that. Afterall, I don’t get paid for the myriad of things I do on the homefront. However, we have chosen to tie the two together. We want our kids to catch the idea that reward comes as a result of hard work. And that their reward is directly tied to their work ethic. If they skip a chore, they get paid less. In many ways, it’s up to them to earn their full potential.  No system is perfect but this is our approach.

I’ve included a link to a sample of the chart we use to help them remember not only their chores but a few other things like goals and daily activities that are necessary but not monetarily related. If it can help you and your family, great. A few friends have asked to see it so there you go – I originally created it in MS Excel.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

© 2011-2012 In A Mirror Dimly All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright