Children

Summer: Will You Survive or Thrive?

June 6, 2011 By Shannon Leave a Comment

Well, it’s finally here. After a very long winter and a nearly sunless spring, summer has officially come to my little town. How do I know this? Maybe because the farmer’s market started back up a few weeks ago? Or because the students are gone, making the line at Starbucks way shorter and the streets much quieter? Or because I finally painted my toenails? Well, those things are all true.
But the way I really know it is summer is because my kids are home again! All day, every day. (That, and my freezer is full of flavored sugar water Flavor Ice again.)

For most moms, having the kids home for summer surfaces all kinds of different emotions. Relief that we don’t have to pack another lunch until August! Delight that we get to be with our little people more often. Excitement and anticipation for all the “summer things” that we do as a family: slower mornings, bonfires at dusk, days at the lake, letterboxing adventures, cousin sleepovers, walks to Katie’s Korner for homemade ice cream, grilling out with friends, and the list goes on. Your list might be different than mine but I’m sure you have one… and I’m guessing it involves some combination of sunshine, being outside, and time together.

But, let’s be honest. Summer also feels a little overwhelming. It’s a blank slate. Twelve weeks of freedom. How will we seize those 12 weeks? How will we find that right mix of structured planning and laidback playing? Finding that balance will probably take some intentional thought from Mom. It certainly won’t just “happen.” Nothing good ever does.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to just survive the summer. I want us to thrive this summer. It’s the only one I’ve got when my kids will be 12 and 9. The last summer before the man-child enters middle school. I want to seize every moment with them. Even the unplanned ones where all four of us dance around the living room, laughing until we can’t stand up.

But, how? How to make sure the summer doesn’t just slip by in the blink of an eye? That’s the question I’ll be pondering this week. Won’t you join me? Could we map out summer together? Because I’m betting you have some good thoughts too.

Next up: Having a Plan!

Filed Under: Children, Family, Life, Randomness Tagged With: Family, Life, Parenting, Summer

The Art of Curiosity

May 17, 2011 By Shannon 1 Comment

Today I went to the Akron Art Museum with Caleb’s 5th grade class. The docent who led our group through the exhibit said that he “never had a group that asked so many questions before.”

I thought that was a rather fabulous compliment.

BTW, the exhibit is MC Escher’s works. It’s only coming to two galleries in the entire U.S. If you live in NEOH, you really should go check it out before it leaves on June 5. Like, really.

Filed Under: Children, Family Tagged With: Art Museum, Children, Field Trip, Life, School

For the Flowers Yet Unopened

May 4, 2011 By Shannon 2 Comments

Yesterday I wrote about my sweet Madison and the way she is opening up to let us glimpse the beauty and creativity within.

As I celebrate this unfolding I can’t seem to get this one nagging thought out of my mind. I can’t get away from it and it breaks my heart.

“What about all the flowers that never get to open?”

All the words that never get in someone’s little notebook or the pirouettes that never happen.

Because of all the childhoods that have been snatched away.

Stolen by hungry predators who traffic little people for another man’s sick pleasure. Or by abusive regimes that trample the rights of the weakest and most vulnerable. Or by cultural norms that leave them orphaned just because they’re girls.

Why should my daughter’s heart get to blossom while another’s shrivels?

To be honest, I’m not sure. Today is not a day that I wrap up my thoughts in a nice package and slap on a bow. I’m just letting you into the broken places of my own heart. As I sort through the joys and the sorrows of life this side of the looking glass. One minute, I’m thanking God for the beauty I see in Madison’s life and the next minute I’m crying out to Him for all the other little hearts that are desperate for a chance to open.

Two things I know in the midst of it. Two things I cling to.

I know that He sees. He loves the least of these.

And I know that He has called His people to be His hands and feet in a broken world. To do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.

I don’t know exactly what that might look like for me. I don’t have an action plan right now. But I know I need to keep my eyes open for it. That I need to be asking God what part I can play. Attentive for ways that I can help other little hearts unfold. Giving? Mentoring? Writing? Going? I don’t know.

But, I know that there’s more than one flower ready to unfold. I’m envisioning and praying for whole bouquets. Great big ones, bursting with color. Fragrant and vibrant in their offering.

Filed Under: Children, Faith, Family, Grace Tagged With: Children, Faith, Micah 6:8, Parenting, social justice

Like a Flower Unfolding

May 3, 2011 By Shannon 1 Comment

She dances when she moves through the house nowadays. Pirouettes and sashays as she moves to let the dog out. Little leaps or a jazz step as she heads down the hallway to her room.

I am in awe as I watch her unfold. As she discovers her love of creating. She is learning to bring beauty and creativity to even the mundane tasks of life. Humming as she clears the table or folds the socks.

And, she is discovering the wonder all around her… the poetry in the line of a song, the splash of color on the woodpecker’s head, the way the tulips close in the rain.

She has a notebook for her observations. She calls it her Writer’s Notebook. She totes it back and forth to Writer’s Club on Thursdays. Sometimes she gets it out at home on other days. She likes to use different-colored pens. And she writes.

She used to be tentative about sharing this part of her. Closing her door when she wanted to dance. Asking us not to read from her notebook.

But, lately, she’s been peeking out from behind her inhibitions. Asking me to listen to the words of a favorite song. Words that have touched her, she shares them with me as an offering of herself. Opening the door while she dances – even when Pappa leans on the doorframe to watch. Reading from her notebook to Caleb & me on the way home from Writer’s Club. Mixing & matching one piece of clothing with another to emerge from her room with an altogether “new” look.

And we are all sort of mesmerized by her. Loving this Spring in her life – the flower of her heart opening up so that we can catch a glimpse of the beauty within.

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In recent weeks our Madison has been invited to two poetry readings to share some of her poetry. One of her poems was also on display in a gallery downtown. I asked her if I could share two of her more public poems with you here. I’m thrilled that she said yes… that she would share a bit of herself and continue to let others enjoy the unfolding as well.

You’ll notice that both of them are about her favorite writing subject of late: nature.

Hey Tree

by Madison McKee

Hey tree,

How can you sleep

when you have to hear

the crickets, wolves, owls, and hens?

Hey tree,

How can you live

with squirrels climbing all over you?

Hey tree,

Does it hurt when animals

open you up and live inside?

Hey tree,

I know I can count on you.

Hey tree,

You are strong on the outside

but inside that thick bark there is much more than

just a tree.

Stars

by Madison McKee

Stars, who shine so bright on a dark, dark night.

Do you visit the heavens so high, all the way up in the sky?

Stars, who flicker like fireworks on the Fourth of July.

Under stars I sit with my family at the campfire and connect you,

Drawing pictures in the dark sky.

I am so thankful for your glow,

I just can’t ignore you.

Stars, you shine your light on my way.

In the night sky, you’re the only thing I see.

When I’m out in the darkness, you guide me home.

How I long to know everything about you.

How old are you?

When can I meet you?

What was it like when God hung you in the sky and called you out by name?

I want to say your name.

But, what a distance we are apart.

You are the only thing I see when I am alone,

Far away from home.

But when I look at the stars, I remember God is there too.

Filed Under: Children, Creativity, Family Tagged With: Children, Creativity, Nature, poetry, Writing & Blogging

After Easter: A Letter to My Kiddos

April 27, 2011 By Shannon 1 Comment

Dear Kiddos of Mine,

I see you there as we open the eggs and recount The Story. I hear you as you expound on the details.

You know so much of it already. About the donkey and how Jesus came humble even though He could have come conquering. About the Passover and His last supper with His friends. About Judas’ 30 pieces of silver and Jesus’ agonizing prayer in the garden. About the middle of the night trials and the trumped up charges against an innocent man. And the mocking and the beatings He endured. You even know how many lashes it will take to kill a man and how Jesus took just one less.

You tell of how they crucified Him and how He died there, forsaken and alone. About how the sky got dark and the curtain tore. How they pierced His side to make sure He was dead. You know all about the borrowed tomb and the stone rolled in front of it.

And the last egg is empty. You know why, don’t you? Yes. Of course. You can tell us and you do. It’s empty because the tomb is empty. He is risen.

You know these historical events inside and out. And I love that. I have no regrets about teaching it to you from your earliest days. About reading to you from the Bible before you could even sit up. What mother would withhold her most precious possession from her own children? My greatest treasure I pass on to you.

But, there are these three things I pray as yet another Easter passes. The lamb has been eaten save a few leftovers. The Easter finery needs laundered. The tulips are wilting. Your baskets are a little less weighty. *smile* And it’s time for me to put away the eggs.

As I do, I ask God for three things…

I pray that it will always be a story like no other. It’s not a myth or an interesting piece of literature. To be shelved with all the other fantastical tales every told. It’s not even like anything in any of the other world religions. I know it sounds crazy at times. Really. God taking on flesh, coming as a baby, living just 33 years and being brutally executed to pay the penalty for our sin. And then rising from the dead? It’s nuts. I get that. But it’s true.
I pray that you’ll never lose the wonder of it. They say that familiarity breeds contempt. I think there can be some truth to that. Sometimes we know something so well that we’re no longer shocked by it. Or we forget to see it with fresh eyes and enjoy its beauty. I pray that the Gospel will never seem “ho hum.” But that it will always stir wonder and awe in your hearts. Even though you’ve been hearing about Jesus since you were babes.
And lastly, I pray that it won’t just be a holiday that you celebrate once a year. Be transformed, Caleb & Madison. By Him. Let Jesus’ sacrifice and victory change the way you think and act. Everyday. We don’t celebrate Easter because our religion dictates it. We’re really not that into religion. We celebrate Easter because it reminds us of the greatest day in history. We celebrate Easter because Jesus’ death and resurrection changed EVERYTHING.

I’ll be honest, kiddos. This Easter was a little different for me than any other. You’re getting older and I watch you taking it in. Contemplating the whole thing. In ways you didn’t before. With some hints of greater maturity and thoughtfulness. And I know that you’ll have to make your own decision about Easter someday. As you grow, you’ll either accept it or reject it. Accept Him or reject Him.

I just want you know that I see you. And that I’m praying for you…

Filed Under: Celebrations, Children, Faith, Family, Parenting Tagged With: Easter, Faith, Parenting, Resurrection Eggs

The Day Laughter Transformed Me

March 16, 2011 By Shannon 7 Comments

We’re laughing hard now. Laying in her loft together. Just laughing. Pure silliness. If I were to recount the story it probably wouldn’t even seem so funny today. But, in this moment the joy is bubbling over and we are just laughing.

Then the giggles finally start to slip away and we’re just snuggling content. And she asks it quiet. The question that punches me in the gut. “Mama, why don’t you laugh like that with me more often?” She’s not trying to condemn. It’s just a sincere question from a nine-year-old heart.

But it cuts me to the quick.

She doesn’t even know it but she has stirred deep longings and haunting questions in this heart of mine.

And I wonder, when did all the “hurry ups” and “did you finish your chores” and “it’s time to settle down” replace the laughter? When did serving them and teaching them trade with loving them and enjoying them? When did I swap joining with them in the fun with just watching them laugh? When did I assume it had to be either one or the other? Instead of both?

I’m not sure really. But, if I were to venture a guess, I’d say it was about the same time that I started reading books on time management and home organization. And following strict systems for parenting.

And looking for some secret sauce that would make me a worthy woman.

Because that’s really the issue, isn’t it? The deeper questions of worth and value that nag our hearts. Am I lovely and precious? Usually, it’s not really that we have this deep longing for better organization in our kitchen cupboards. It’s that we think our organized cupboards say something about our value. It’s not that we are deeply convicted that having our kids on a schedule at 3-weeks-old is the most critical thing we’ll ever do as parents. It’s that we feel a profound need for some way to measure how we’re doing as new parents.

Now, lest you think I’m just throwing all caution to the wind, let me clarify. It’s not that the books or parenting suggestions were bad in and of themselves. They really weren’t. In fact, I’ll keep reading them. Tips and tools and shared solutions can be incredibly helpful as we navigate life.

It’s that I started to depend on them. To try and manage this life of mine by these benchmarks that some experts somewhere said were important.

I wanted to control all of it. The clutter. The schedule. The kids. The husband. The appearances. The budget. I wanted to have dominion over all of it. And not necessarily (if I am brutally honest with myself and you) so that I could bless others. But, because I felt better about myself when I was on top of everything.

But, let’s be realistic. It’s hard to stay on top of everything when the pile gets unruly and finally spills over the sides. When the kids don’t respond quickly to your new chore idea. Or your weighty, insightful, wisdom-filled conversation with your son doesn’t produce the breakthrough you were hoping for. Or you get lazy with your responsibilities. Or the roots grow back into the pipe in the basement so it needs snaked again at $200 a pop. And the washing machine breaks. In the same month that the root thing happens. Or you tend to overcommit so you say “no” to the PTO this year and you’re sure everyone hates you for stepping back. Or you feel like a heel because your friend’s birthday snuck up on you AGAIN and you forgot to call. Or you eat another BBQ potato chip when you had already promised yourself you wouldn’t even eat one.

And somewhere in the midst of all that jockeying and stressing and covering, you stop laughing. At least not very much. And you’re so consumed with wondering if you’re valuable that you miss all the beauty and art and joy that is happening around you.

Yuck.

BUT… here’s the thing. I think I’m finally discovering the secret sauce. It’s all wrapped up in what gives me worth. I mean, I knew about the sauce. I discovered it 20+ years ago as a college sophomore when I read Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church. (Bonus Hint for the Day: The recipe for worth is actually quite simple. It’s just being in Him. Go read it for yourself!) The problem was that I just kept trying to tweak the recipe with my own ingredients. And it wasn’t very yummy. Trust me.

But, I’m tired of trying to concoct my own recipe. I’ve got to settle this issue of my value. In my heart of hearts, I’ve got to rest. And taking a nice deep breath isn’t going to suffice.

Here’s why. All of those life issues: the finances and the parenting and running my home well and loving my husband and getting where I need to be on time (fully clothed AND in my right mind). They all still need to happen. And I won’t always get them right. Probably not even usually. (Well, at least, hopefully, the fully clothed part.)

And people might like me less because I can’t get them all right all the time.

But my worth doesn’t hinge on a breakthrough conversation with my son or a perfectly orchestrated schedule. My worth has to be rooted in something deeper than that. Something timeless and unshakeable.

Someone.

Someone who makes beautiful things out of the dust.

And He does.

He also takes the furrowed brow of the stressed-out Mama. And bubbles up laughter instead.

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Linking up with Ann’s community today:

Filed Under: Children, Faith, Family, Life, Randomness Tagged With: Faith, Family, Laughter, Life, Rest, Value, Worthiness

Questions from the Wrestling Mat

February 1, 2011 By Shannon 2 Comments

I can see the rise and fall of his chest – him breathing heavy as they face off in the center of the mat again. He has made it through two periods. But, the other boy’s extra eight pounds are starting to weigh heavy on him.

About half-way through the third period he runs a move and he’s able to maneuver the other boy. Two points for red. Up by a point, it looks as if he’s going to win this one. I can see him growing weary. He can’t quite roll the other boy for a pin but time is on his side. Just a few more seconds and it will be over. And then in the final seconds of the match, the unthinkable happens. The other boy rolls out of it and gets Caleb in another move. Two points for green. Just like that, it’s over. Caleb loses it by one point – two seconds made all the difference.

He gets up tired. Already red-faced from the exertion, I see his face getting redder. His mouth is screwed-up tight as he holds it all in to shake the other boy’s hand and meet the opposing coach. I stay back – it’s not a time for Momma. He needs the man affirmation of his coaches and the other dads. (They all know Rick can’t be there because, well, the Sectional Tourney is on a Sunday morning and he’s a little occupied on Sundays mornings!)

He isn’t used to losing on the mat. The eight gold pins on his sweatshirt sleeve prove that. And he knows more is at stake this time. Losing here might mean he doesn’t move on to Districts.

He disappears into the restroom and I join him on the bleachers a few minutes later. His face is redder. I know that the loss is still stinging.

And then he utters it… “I even prayed THREE TIMES that God would help me win.” Ahhhh. There it is. He’s not only frustrated by the loss but something deeper nags at his heart. In his 11-year-old mind, he feels like God let him down.

On the one hand, I whisper thanks. Thanks that, up to this point in his life, this is the worst of it for Caleb. Thanks that hardship and heartbreak come to him on the wrestling mat and not on the streets, wanting for food or shelter.

On the other hand, I recognize that this moment is very real to him. Whether on the wrestling mat or on the streets, it’s the question that has haunted us from the beginning. “Is God somehow holding out on me? Doesn’t He care about me?” The serpent whispered it first in the Garden. He whispers it still today… and we believe him. “God doesn’t know what I need. He doesn’t care. Life isn’t going quite like I expected. Where was He when I was out there laying it all on the line? When my baby died? When they came to foreclose on the house? When my husband stopped really looking at me? When I was skipped over for that promotion? When my mom got diagnosed with Alzheimers?”

We all know the feeling. We’ve all had those kinds of questions.

And what do I say to my boy as we sit there in the bleachers? Do I comfort him with platitudes of “You’ll get ‘em next time.” I supposes that will help some. No doubt, he will live to wrestle another day. And probably win.

But what about the deeper question of his heart? What’s a boy to do when he realizes that God is more than a good luck charm? That His answer might be more than a win on the wrestling mat. That He might care more about the development of your character than the rank of your medal. That the thing we think is best, isn’t always best. That even heartbreak can be made into something beautiful.

As I sat there, I was reminded of the Apostle Paul. He also prayed THREE TIMES…

“Concerning this [a thorn in the flesh - historians think it was an illness of some kind] I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He has said to me ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

– Words from Paul in his second letter to the church at Corinth

This from the man who had been beaten at least five times within an inch of death, stoned, shipwrecked, spent nights sleeping in the cold and exposure, and lived often without food.

God’s grace… it was sufficient. For ALL that came his way. Both in times of plenty and in times of want.

Could that same grace be sufficient for a boy in the bleachers? I’m pretty sure it will do.

To think, I had been disappointed about missing church. Turns out God found us right there in a high school gym in Youngstown. And, we still worshipped. Right there on the bleachers.

Who knew that a gym full of sweaty boys could be such a profound place?

Filed Under: Children, Faith, Family Tagged With: Children, Faith, Sports, Wrestling

If You Can’t Beat Them…

December 11, 2010 By Shannon 2 Comments

It’s probably the understatement of the year but I’ll say it anyway: I’m not very adventurous. I usually hang back and take photos or hold their sweatshirts while they do the crazy stuff. Dad’s the wild one around here. He’s the one who will take the big hills and ride the roller coasters and swim in the currents. I dutifully yell “be careful” and “zip your coat up” and other such motherly comments.

But, sometimes it’s the first sled of the season. Sometimes a momma has to put the camera down and be a part of the memory – not just a recorder of it. Like my friend Shannon did today when she totally wiped out and rolled most of the way down the hill on her coat – laughing the entire way.

So. Down the hills I went. Madison said I wasn’t very good at steering. She eventually took that job for herself. And I got snow sprayed in my face. And came dangerously close to a very large tree. But, it was a good day to set the camera down for a bit, to risk, and to laugh with my little girl.

BUT, before I set the camera down, I did get some pretty good pics of our first sled of the season.

Filed Under: Children, Family

PJs – They’re Not Just for Sleeping Anymore!

October 30, 2010 By Shannon Leave a Comment

It’s 2:30. She’s still in her PJs.

It’s Saturday afterall. And we have no where to be.

PJs weren’t the original plan for today. I had attempted to get her into clothes earlier.

“Yes, Ma’am,” came her reply. The disappointment had been evident in her voice. “Yes, Ma’am.” More cheerful this time. And then, she sidled up alongside me. “But, Mamma, can I just stay in my PJs all day?”

“I mean, we don’t have anywhere to be and we just haven’t had a day like this in such a long time. I was just sort of thinking I could wear them all day.”

And, “why not,” I thought? Would it be so terrible if she just stayed in her PJs all day? And left her hair all tausled? And we never even left the house? Even for a second?

Perhaps we could all use more days spent in PJs…

Here’s to Saturdays with no agenda and no place to be. And to wearing your PJs all day, if you want to.

Filed Under: Children, Family, Randomness Tagged With: Children, Day Off, Family

Lego Lessons

September 15, 2010 By Shannon 4 Comments

He stood there longingly. Just a few dollars more and he would have enough for the Lego Star Wars ship that he’d been wanting. This week Target had them on a special display AND they were on sale. It was more than any 11-year-old boy should have to endure!

“Mom, could I just borrow a few dollars?” he pleaded. “I’ll pay you back when I get paid in a few days.” The angst in his voice, the pity on that face. It was hard to say “No, Buddy. Can’t do it.”

So many lessons in that one moment. So many little choices that are shaping him into a man who will steward money well. As parents, we so want to give to our kids, don’t we? So much so, that it’s hard to keep those bigger truths in mind. I enjoy giving fun stuff to my kids.

But there ARE bigger issues at stake. Maybe, just maybe, we actually give them more when we remember those issues. Here are a few that came to mind for me as I stood in the aisle and comtemplated ruining Caleb’s day with my “no”:

Instant gratification isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is great personal satisfaction in saving for something and taking the time to discern if that’s what you really want/need. Sometimes in the process of saving for something, our kids discover that they really don’t even want it anymore.
Debt is a trap. In a culture where credit is the norm and adults just borrow to remodel the basement or buy the new boat that we want, it’s hard to help our kids be free of this one. In truth, debt makes us slaves and limits our ability to make financial or job changes that might actually be better for us qualitatively.
You shouldn’t bank on money that you haven’t earned yet. Caleb was assuming he’d have enough at the end of the week based on chores he hadn’t done yet. What if something came up and he couldn’t do those chores? What if he dropped the ball and just didn’t get them done? He wouldn’t have that money to spend afterall and then he’d really be behind the proverbial eight-ball.
Hard work produces good reward. The ability to work and contribute to something bigger than yourself (in this case, our household) is a gift from God. Getting compensated for that hard work is a worthy incentive. It helps fight our tendency toward laziness and wanting someone else to take care of everything for us. Discipline and tenacity are qualities we want to cultivate in our kids. Those don’t just happen when everything is easy.
We need to factor saving and giving into the money that we earn. Caleb has the potential to earn half his age – if he does all of his chores well and on time, he can earn $5.50/week. Caleb was thinking about the full $5.50 as money he could put toward his purchase. He was forgetting that we take 10% of his earnings for saving and another 10% to give back to the Lord.

Caleb didn’t really want to hear all of those great reasons when he was standing in Target looking at the Legos. Truth be told, I don’t always want to hear them either. The lies are all around us. “You deserve this.” “You will be happier if you go on this vacation or have this new gadget.” “Why should your neighbor drive a nicer car than you?” It just seems to be the American way.

Well, I want to teach my kids a different way.

I don’t want them saddled with debt. I don’t want them to buy into the lie that a new Lego set will somehow fill a hole in their lives or make them exponentially happier. I don’t want financial gain to keep them from doing something risky with their lives like adopting an orphan or serving the neediest in a far off land in the name of Christ. If telling Caleb “no” to the borrowing will help that even a little bit, then I’ll do it. Even when I feel like I’m being a Big Meanie in the process.

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A disclaimer and a resource: I know there are lots of different perspectives on whether or not to pay kids for household chores. Respected leaders have said that they shouldn’t get paid for contributing to the normal household functioning and advocate only paying for unusual jobs. These philosophies encourage allowance and money management as a completely separate issue. I can respect that. Afterall, I don’t get paid for the myriad of things I do on the homefront. However, we have chosen to tie the two together. We want our kids to catch the idea that reward comes as a result of hard work. And that their reward is directly tied to their work ethic. If they skip a chore, they get paid less. In many ways, it’s up to them to earn their full potential. No system is perfect but this is our approach.

I’ve included a link to a sample of the chart we use to help them remember not only their chores but a few other things like goals and daily activities that are necessary but not monetarily related. If it can help you and your family, great. A few friends have asked to see it so there you go – I originally created it in MS Excel.

Filed Under: Children, Family, Life, Parenting, Randomness Tagged With: Children, Life, Money, Parenting

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