The morning started off well: it’s the beginning of a fresh week, Caleb was up and finishing his morning chores, Maddie was in her room reading her Bible, Rick had returned from shoveling the snow and was leaving for work, I was making breakfast and we were all sort of chatting about some dear friends whose kids will be staying with us tonight. All was well with the world.

the source of the dispute

Then it started: The Pencil Dispute. It’s funny how one small item can wreak such havoc on an otherwise peaceful morning.

Here’s the play by play. Maddie has found a pencil that will stick to the magnet on the frig. She likes it because she can keep it right next to her chore chart (which she also likes because she can make checkmarks in the little boxes – a true daughter of Rick McKee). I used the pencil for something else and accidentally put it in the drawer, not back on the magnet (proof that I am not a McKee by blood). Caleb went to the drawer, grabbed a pencil and was working on finishing his last few spelling sentences. Madison came out to check off her “made my bed” chore and was disturbed to find the pencil gone. Noticing that Caleb had said pencil, she began making her case for a pencil swap. From there, well, I’ll spare you the gory details. Thankfully, no pencils were jammed in inappropriate places; but words were said and feelings were definitely hurt. And, sometimes that leaves a deeper scar.

As it turns out, both kids were correct on some points. But, ironically they were both wrong on THE point. Neither of them ever considered laying down his/her “right to the pencil” to serve the other. Neither of them made a move to sacrifice. Neither of them shifted quickly to a posture of humility when I had to intervene. 

Contrast that with Jesus who “although He existed in the very form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant…He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (see Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi)

Here was One who truly did have the right – to anything and everything. He willingly set it aside for a time. During His 33 years here, He was misunderstood and falsely accused. He was unjustly tortured and ultimately killed, bearing the weight of all the sin of all the world for all time. The book of Hebrews tells us that He endured that shame for us. It was joy for Him because it meant hope for us.

The book of Hebrews also tells us that there were others who followed Him (both before His earthly life and after). These men and women were full of faith and, as a result, chose a life of sacrifice. The text says that they were people of whom the world was not worthy. History is filled with men and women who had their eyes fixed on Jesus and lived for a vision bigger than themselves. Their lives weren’t all about their own comfort, their own rights, and their own lives.

I pray that my kids will be these kinds of people. And, I pray that I’ll be the kind of mom who takes the time to help them in that pursuit. That I won’t just choose the most expedient path to the get the argument over with. That I won’t get mad because their squabble is making my morning more difficult. That I won’t crush them with my words because I’m disgusted by how their sin reminds me of my own.

Let me instead help them fix their eyes on Jesus who not only gave us the example of selfless living, but also paid the penalty for the sin that keeps us from living that way too. Let me shepherd their hearts even as I discipline them. Let me encourage them toward humility.

And, let me be humble enough to admit that it’s hard for me to lay down my rights, too. I’ve just lived longer so I’m just more practiced at hiding it or dressing it up.

Secret Keeper Girl is coming to our church in March! And, not a moment too soon. As life would have it, I’m finding myself in some unexpected conversations with my Madison about modesty and purity.

There’s a boy in her class at school who called her sexy and patted her bottom. I knew that day would come  – I just didn’t expect it in first grade.

It didn’t catch her totally off-guard. We’ve been pretty proactive with the kids about introducing conversations about sexuality, beauty, modesty, and relationships. We’ve used teachable moments to shepherd their hearts and we’ve also been very intentional to use books and ideas from friends to more directly teach them. But, I think I’m still a little surprised at how much they pick up from other sources – subtle and not-so-subtle.

So, Maddie and I will be making a date out of the event. I know she’s on the younger end of the audience but I want her to see and hear girls a tad older than her striving for true beauty. I want her to hear again and again that her beauty comes from within – from a heart that is devoted to God.

While I was on the SKG website, I discovered that Dannah Gresh (of Pure Freedom) is giving away TEN Secret Keeper Girl items in February! She said she’s just feeling generous! So head on over to Dannah’s website (www.secretkeepergirl.com). You’ll want to visit the Secret Keeper Girl blog where you’ll get great tips from Dannah on raising girls and view posts from the Secret Keeper Girl Tour team. Scroll to the “Fabulously Free February” posting and comment to win one of ten Secret Keeper Girl prizes. Your choice!

I’m most excited about the Eight Dates for You and Your Daughter packages. But, you might find something else you enjoy.

I’m in my second week of training for a half-marathon. In less than 11 weeks, I’ll be running the Flying Pig down in Cinci. I’m nervous. I’m excited. I’ve already had moments of self-doubt and moments of elation. It’s a little scary to actually make plans to do it.

Before you start to think I’m in some great class of athletes, let me round out your picture. I’m not very fast. I was excited this week just to shave a little time off of my 10-minute-mile. I’m a novice, really. I just started running last May and I’ve only been in one other race – a 5K in October. I’ve never been a great athlete. O-kay, but never great. It’s never been a huge passion of mine. I’m a quiet, old soul; not a hard-core competitor.

But, I’m also pretty practical. I want to be in good shape and I love being outside. So, I decided to give running a try. I have discovered that I do like it and would even call myself a “runner” now. Actually running in a race was never in my original plans; but the 5K was a good experience and I really want to give something longer a shot.

So, here I am spending my money; not on scrapbooking supplies or a new book, but on a race. I’m going to pay someone else so that I can force myself to run 13 miles! It still sounds surreal to me at times. But, I must confess that it’s making a huge difference. Having a tangible goal is giving me great motivation and hope. Until now, I’ve been rather sporadic in my running. Sometimes more consistent than others. One of those people who is easily derailed for illness, bad weather, or unexpected plans.

Now, though, I have a goal. Not a general goal (such as “I’d like to lose a few pounds” or “I need to get in better shape”). But a specific goal (“I’m running 13.1 miles”) with a specific time-table (on May 3) with a plan for meeting that goal (thank-you Hal Higdon). It’s making a big difference in my approach. I’ve been more consistent in getting to my runs – whether it’s snowing or raining; or I’m busy or tired. And, I’ve been pushing myself harder on my runs.

The whole process has made me reflect on the importance of having a goal. Not just in athletics but in all of life. It’s so easy for me to get stuck in rut and just go through the motions of life. Why do I do what I do? What am I hoping to accomplish as a wife, mom, homemaker, etc? Is there a goal in sight or am I just doing a series of tasks that sometimes I’m more consistent and excellent at than other times?

Let me be a woman who lives with vision and purpose. Not for a series of tasks and to-do lists; but for a goal that is worthy.

My resume is varied: I’ve been a soccer mom and a basketball mom. I even got a taste this fall of being a football mom. Whatever sport my son does, I get into it. (Truth be told, I’m that way with most things my kids do. Who knew I could get so interested in various war strategies with my son or the eras of the American Girl dolls with my daughter?)

our crew at the Sectional Tourney this weekend

And, so, this winter, I was initiated into a whole new world of sports. I am now a bona fide youth wrestling mom. After more than 38 practices in cramped wrestling rooms with stinky boys, hours in the car to matches in Youngstown, and two months of Sundays in a gymnasium full of grapplers, here are my confessions and observations.  

I confess that because I love basketball so much, I never really gave wrestling a chance. Wrestling doesn’t get its float in the parade or its big-name celebrity playas, but it’s a pretty amazing sport. I still love basketball but I’ve converted to calling them “pumpkin pushers” along with every other good wrestling fan.

I confess that the thought of my 9-year-old son in a singlet, rolling around on a mat with other dudes never appealed to me much. Now that I’ve watched it for an entire season, I totally respect what happens on that mat.

I confess that even though I’ve lived in Northeast Ohio most of my life, I never knew that wrestling was an extremely well-respected sport here. People are hard core about it. It’s a whole other realm that exists right under our noses.

I confess that I never really understood the delicate balance between skill and strength. Wrestling is about both. Wrestlers need to be strong. But the ones who are only strong or big, don’t win very consistently. There’s a lot of skill to be honed. Moves to be learned. Quick-thinking to master.

I confess that I never knew that three minutes could be so exhausting! A lot happens in a short amount of time on that mat.

I confess that it’s hard to classify wrestling. Is it a team sport or an individual sport? Wrestling is an individual sport: it’s just you and one other dude. Mano a mano. If you get pinned, there’s no one else to blame. Those boys work hard to earn their own points. Wrestling is a team sport: when your buddy gets pinned, you’re there to cheer him on to another day. I never thought I’d care so much about the other kids’ matches. It was hard for me to watch any of them lose.

I confess that it’s hard to watch those boys get defeated – especially when they get pinned. Emotions run strong when you’re laying it all on the line out there. I never saw so many tough, strong boys cry before. Sometimes your arm gets bent funny or you get poked in the eye and it just plain hurts. Other times, it’s just gut-wrenching to be out-maneuvered and pinned despite your best effort. It’s humbling and confidence-building at the same time. It was inspiring to see them endure and come right back the next week to try it all again.

I confess that good coaches don’t just love wrestling but they love the kids. It was moving to see so many of the coaches encourage the kids who got pinned – right in the midst of their disappointment or frustration. It’s one of those times where they don’t need “mommy” but they need a man to look them in those teary eyes, affirm them, and call them out to another battle.

I confess that it’s hard not to get cranky after a long tournament day – even if you love the kids and the sport. This past Sunday we packed breakfast for after weigh-ins, packed lunches for the breaks, left the house at 7:45 a.m. to drive an hour away, sat in bleachers all day, kept the siblings entertained for hours, and got our blood pumping when our kids were on the mat for their three minutes of fame. (At least for tournaments, they wrestle more than once! So, correction, make that 12 minutes of fame!) We were in that gym for 7 ½ hours. Needless to say, I became a lot closer with one of my friends through it all. Crankiness loves company!

In the end, Caleb’s first year was a success. He really enjoyed it and was a natural at it. He had great coaches and got solid instruction while still having some fun. His character took another step in its formation as I have never seen him work so hard at a sport before. He won most of his matches in a pretty competitive weight class, he placed second in the all-star tourney, and qualified for Districts by placing in the top four in our sectional.

After a particularly long day at the Sectional Tournament, I was wondering if it was all worth it. Then I heard him mumble to himself in the mirror last night, “I can’t believe I made it to Districts my first year.” Well, I guess I can plan on more days in cramped wrestling rooms with stinky boys next winter. And, yes, it will be worth it.