Supermom and the Battle Against the Evil Nemesis Entropy

The first time I recall learning about the Second of Law of Thermodynamics (and its partner entropy) was in Middle School. You remember, right? It’s basically the idea that everything has a tendency toward disorder and decay. In layman’s terms, we call it Murphy’s Law. If something can go wrong, it will. Russian playwright Anton Chekhov once quipped that “only entropy is easy.” We all know this to be true.

However, I think I know it to be true now in ways I did not understand in 7th grade! Oh, I memorized it then. I even thought I understood it. But, now, I have lived it.

This constant struggle to bring order and purpose to my home. To make my work productive and lasting. Scientists call it entropy. Theologians call it the result of the Fall – Adam ate the fruit and our work has been cursed and frustrating ever since.

Let me just state the obvious and say that it’s hard to make progress when everything tends toward disorder!

Oh, the piles. I just had my piles under control and all manner of paperwork safely filed just where it is supposed to go. How do I already have a cluttered mess again? I had laundry clean and folded and even ironed. And then the man-child came home from football practice – in the rain. Oh, and didn’t I just mow and weed a few days ago?

The truth is, you just can’t cheat entropy. Not this side of heaven.

This came home to me in a very clear way last week.  I was tending to our patio furniture. The umbrella was a little green in places and needed cleaned. I had researched some suggestions on the internet and was going about my task (that Rick had asked me to take care of in June… yet another evidence of my tendency toward disorder but that is for another day). I had my bucket of warm, sudsy water mixed with vinegar and my soft bristled brush. The day was a fine one – unseasonably warm and clear for September in Ohio. I was so proud of myself.

Until the weather-worn fabric started to disintegrate and tear.

Now the umbrella is clean (well, kinda b/c I quit) but it has holes in it. Pretty much defeats the whole point of an umbrella, doesn’t it?

Similar issue with the chairs. A few years ago the fabric ripped so I put my domestic skills to good use and sewed new covers for them. They are slingback chairs that rely on a tension fit so I was a little nervous about making the covers and put it off endlessly. However, I did eventually conquer my fears and finish them. But not the cute little ottomans that go with them. Those I put off for two years until my poor husband was at his wits end waiting for me to act upon my environment and bring order to those darn chairs. I finally got the ottomans recovered (thanks to my accountability group) a few weeks ago.

Would you believe that two days later, when we went to sit down in that adorable little corner of the patio, that one of the  (now weather-beaten) chairs ripped ?

To which I say, “Hurry back, Jesus.”

In the meantime, we’ll be saving for new patio furniture… and fighting the good fight against entropy in our little corner of the world.

The List That Must Go On…

For some reason the gratitude list comes slowly this morning. My life is filled with abundance – relationally, spiritually, materially. I have plenty… and then some. But, for some reason I feel weary this morning.

So, in faith, I come with thanks.  My simple list as an offering to the One who never tires of giving. He who never exhausts His resources or has to hold back or finds Himself weary. And since the gifts never stop, may it be the same with the thanks…

  • Season’s first apple cider – warm in my cup with a hint of caramel and a dollop of whipped cream
  • a Book written by God… for us
  • Our puppy with her crooked ears and silly antics that make us laugh – I sort of hope those ears never straighten out
  • Piles of clean, folded laundry
  • A surprise time of scrapbooking with a sweet friend on Friday
  • Tea and pumpkin bread and good conversation in Billie Jean’s garden
  • For the joy and sorrow of being a “family” in Christ – on one Sunday I meet newborn Charlie in one breath and say goodbye to a dear couple (moving to Michigan) in another
  • Falling asleep night after night next to my best friend
  • Pumpkin patches and apple orchards that beckon – my favorite season is just beginning!
  • Free moments and choosing not to fill them with “scheduled” things
  • Waiting for Stella…
  • Rejoicing with Jen & Joel – engaged!
  • Sharing heart and life with Molly over caramel latte treats
  • Eric & Nicole fully funded and on campus – oh, KSU, you are so blessed to have them!
  • Hope that does not disappoint
  • Surprise visit from Uncle Bill and two beaming kiddos who love him so

 
holy experience

Listening to life…

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” F. Buechner, Now and Then

Buechner says what my heart knows to be true. So, I come today and continue my list of gratitudes for all my moments. May I be a woman who always looks to touch, taste, and smell my way to the holy and hidden heart of this mystery called life.

  • Family game night and Caleb laughing until he cried and Madison’s theatrics with the story cubes
  • Watching Rick love-on Caleb when he was hurting this weekend
  • Grace! I can’t get enough of it or seem to force it deep enough into my life
  • Family photos under the bridge on Friday and dinner with sweet friends who happen to be fantastic photographers
  • Needing extra blankets so that we can leave the windows open at night
  • A thunderstorm that led to cancelled football practice and a surprise night at home together
  • Little hints of changing leaves
  • News that Mom & Dad might visit soon
  • Being known and yet loved – even when I’m grumpy
  • Friday coffee date in the tucked away corner at Panera
  • Apple pie – lovingly baked and delivered by a dear friend

holy experience

Serendipitous: The Accidental Discovery of Something Pleasant

Yesterday I had lunch with some dear old friends on the campus where we served for 8 years (before Rick became Pastor to our precious Crossroads). Their oldest daughter would be heading off to college next Fall and they were visiting our campus.

We met John and Julie nearly 19 years ago just before we got married. When we decided to come on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and minister full-time to college students, they encouraged  us to follow hard after God’s purposes. Later they would even support us financially in that endeavor. You see, like many missionaries, Campus Crusade staff are paid by a team of people who commit to giving out of their personal finances so that those staff can work full-time in ministry. Raising that support can be a daunting and humbling task. Most staff would admit a love-hate relationship with support raising.

John and Julie partnered with us for all 15 of our years on staff with CCC. Faithfully giving so that we could take Jesus to an often dark and lonely place and love-on college students. And in so doing, they not only ministered to the students, they deeply encouraged our souls.

Like so many of our supporters they became a pseudo-family for us. Ministry can be heart-wrenching at times and life can just be hard. In the midst of several miscarriages and spiritual oppression on campus and moves to new universities and broken family relationships and financial uncertainty, we had a team of people who cared about us and sacrificed for us.

I feel a deep kinship for them. We’ve been off staff for nearly 3 years now but I still find myself in tears at times as I think about this “team” of people – they were a collection of people from different ages, walks of life, and places in the U.S. Some gave out of plenty, some scraped it together for us each month. They gave for different reasons, captured in some way by God’s love for students. God poured out His grace and provision in our lives through all of those people and students were changed as a result…

Two of those graduates joined us for that lunch yesterday. Justin & Emily are alums now. They’ve gotten married, and joined staff to do the very thing for others that we did for them.

So, there we were sitting in the sun on a warm fall day in the student center courtyard, eating subs and talking about our campus. John & Julie gave so that Justin & Emily could really know Jesus. John & Julie never got to meet Justin & Emily before. They only knew Rick & Shannon. And, they gave in faith, knowing God would use their gift to expand His kingdom. Now, Justin & Emily will help them get their daughter settled on campus.  

Isn’t life just crazy and the will of God so serendipitous? I don’t know why I’m surprised by it anymore…

Lego Lessons

He stood there longingly. Just a few dollars more and he would have enough for the Lego Star Wars ship that he’d been wanting. This week Target had them on a special display AND they were on sale. It was more than any 11-year-old boy should have to endure!

“Mom, could I just borrow a few dollars?” he pleaded. “I’ll pay you back when I get paid in a few days.” The angst in his voice, the pity on that face. It was hard to say “No, Buddy. Can’t do it.”

So many lessons in that one moment. So many little choices that are shaping him into a man who will steward money well. As parents, we so want to give to our kids, don’t we?  So much so, that it’s hard to keep those bigger truths in mind. I enjoy giving fun stuff to my kids.

But there ARE bigger issues at stake. Maybe, just maybe, we actually give them more when we remember those issues. Here are a few that came to mind for me as I stood in the aisle and comtemplated ruining Caleb’s day with my “no”:

  • Instant gratification isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is great personal satisfaction in saving for something and taking the time to discern if that’s what you really want/need. Sometimes in the process of saving for something, our kids discover that they really don’t even want it anymore.  
  • Debt is a trap. In a culture where credit is the norm and adults just borrow to remodel the basement or buy the new boat that we want, it’s hard to help our kids be free of this one. In truth, debt makes us slaves and limits our ability to make financial or job changes that might actually be better for us qualitatively.
  • You shouldn’t bank on money that you haven’t earned yet. Caleb was assuming he’d have enough at the end of the week based on chores he hadn’t done yet. What if something came up and he couldn’t do those chores? What if he dropped the ball and just didn’t get them done? He wouldn’t have that money to spend afterall and then he’d really be behind the proverbial eight-ball.
  • Hard work produces good reward. The ability to work and contribute to something bigger than yourself (in this case, our household) is a gift from God. Getting compensated for that hard work is a worthy incentive. It helps fight our tendency toward laziness and wanting someone else to take care of everything for us. Discipline and tenacity are qualities we want to cultivate in our  kids. Those don’t just happen when everything is easy.
  • We need to factor saving and giving into the money that we earn. Caleb has the potential to earn half his age – if he does all of his chores well and on time, he can earn $5.50/week. Caleb was thinking about the full $5.50 as money he could put toward his purchase. He was forgetting that we take 10% of his earnings for saving and another 10% to give back to the Lord.

Caleb didn’t really want to hear all of those great reasons when he was standing in Target looking at the Legos. Truth be told, I don’t always want to hear them either. The lies are all around us. “You deserve this.” “You will be happier if you go on this vacation or have this new gadget.” “Why should your neighbor drive a nicer car than you?”  It just seems to be the American way.

Well, I want to teach my kids a different way.

I don’t want them saddled with debt. I don’t want them to buy into the lie that a new Lego set will somehow fill a hole in their lives or make them exponentially happier. I don’t want financial gain to keep them from doing something risky with their lives like adopting an orphan or serving the neediest in a far off land in the name of Christ. If telling Caleb “no” to the borrowing will help that even a little bit, then I’ll do it. Even when I feel like I’m being a Big Meanie in the process.

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A disclaimer and a resource: I know there are lots of different perspectives on whether or not to pay kids for household chores. Respected leaders have said that they shouldn’t get paid for contributing to the normal household functioning and advocate only paying for unusual jobs. These philosophies encourage allowance and money management as a completely separate issue. I can respect that. Afterall, I don’t get paid for the myriad of things I do on the homefront. However, we have chosen to tie the two together. We want our kids to catch the idea that reward comes as a result of hard work. And that their reward is directly tied to their work ethic. If they skip a chore, they get paid less. In many ways, it’s up to them to earn their full potential.  No system is perfect but this is our approach.

I’ve included a link to a sample of the chart we use to help them remember not only their chores but a few other things like goals and daily activities that are necessary but not monetarily related. If it can help you and your family, great. A few friends have asked to see it so there you go – I originally created it in MS Excel.

Sobered by Blessing

Sometimes life strikes me in a funny way and I find myself unsure. Do you ever have those moments? Where several realities converge and you find yourself undone? Not sure how to respond? Uncertain what to think or feel?

Such is the place I find myself this morning.

I’m reading a book (Radical by David Platt) that is driving some truths deeper into my heart. I’m following a blog (one of my favorites – I can’t wait to actually meet Ann when we get “home” someday) on a trip to Guatemala with Compassion International. Her photos remind me of my own trip to Mexico earlier this summer and my conviction to “remember”. Our lead pastor taught on pain and suffering yesterday. There is so much of it, isn’t there? Voice of the Martyrs magazine tells the stories of my brothers and sisters in places like Egypt and N. Korea who are tortured daily for their faith. My dear friend Missy blogs about her Ethopian daughter and international adoption. Such weighty things.

And I come to this morning, ready to reflect on my gratitude list. On the sweet blessings in my life this week. And in some ways it seems sort of, well, silly. Gentle fall breezes and youth football games and creative hats at the art festival just don’t seem as important when the burdens of the world seem so great.

Hence, the feeling of being undone.

But, as I reflect with you here, I think the only reasonable thing to do is to indeed give thanks. Thanks for the small things that make my days richer. Thanks for the hand of God that is at work around the world. Thanks that I can trust Him even when I feel unsure.

I don’t understand why I have gentle fall breezes while Guatemala has torrential downpours and mudslides that destroy already fragile communities. I don’t know why I have 10 copies of the Bible while a man in N. Korea has to hide his one tattered copy, buried in a hole far from his house. I don’t understand why I get to watch my son play football or look at art with my daughter while there are orphans who will never know their parents.

These are the things that leave me uncertain. And, YET, God knows. He numbers the hairs on the heads of those orphans. He is there as the gentle breeze blows in one place and the rains fall too hard in another. He sees and He knows and somehow He is making all things right. Somehow.  

Yesterday, Pastor Joe reminded me of this passage from Tolkien’s Return of the King in which the faithful Samwise discovers that Gandalf isn’t dead afterall:

At last he gasped: “Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself. Is everything sad going to come untrue? What’s happened to the world?”

“A great shadow has departed,” said Gandalf, and then he laughed, and the sound was like music, or like water in a parched land; and as he listened the thought came to Sam that he had not heard laughter, the pure sound of merriment, for days without count. It fell upon his ears like the echo of all the joys he had ever known. But he himself burst into tears. Then as a sweet rain will pass down a wind of spring and the sun will shine out the clearer, his tears ceased, and his laughter welled up, and laughing he sprang from bed… “How do I feel?” he cried.” Well, I don’t know how to say it. I feel, I feel” –he waved his arms in the air– “I feel like spring after winter, and sun on the leaves; and like trumpets and harps and all the songs I have ever heard!

All the host laughed and wept, and in the midst of their merriment and tears the clear voice of the minstrel rose like silver and gold, and all men were hushed. And he sang to them, now in the Elven-tongue, now in the speech of the West, until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness.”

Can it be that one day everything sad will come untrue? Yes. YES! And so I fix my eyes on Jesus who makes that hope a reality and I offer Him thanks. By faith. Whether in plenty or in want. Thanks for the things I do understand and trust for the things I do not.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still undone and a little unsure about all the things swirling around my head and heart. And, yet, I know I can give thanks without feeling guilty or silly for the treasures I enjoyed this week.

And, so I’m back to my Monday morning list. Weekly blessings. Undeserved joys. My list isn’t silly. It’s my life. It’s all grace upon grace. And it’s what I have to offer back to Him in thanksgiving.

In faith, with a steadfast hope for the day when Jesus comes back as King and the sad things become untrue, I offer gratitude this week for:

  • Youth football games and a boy who is growing in character every time he steps onto that field
  • Art in the Park and making silly hats with Madison and her best friend. I love this phase of life with my daughter.
  • The chance to enjoy the beauty and inspiration of so many artists. Such creativity God has placed in us – as we fashion beautiful jewelry, pottery, glass, etc., we reflect Him
  • A church with pastors who love God’s Word above their own opinions and open it to us faithfully week after week
  • Friday night with friends and laughter over chili-cook-off stories as we sat on the patio and supped together
  • Fall evenings and bonfires in the backyard
  • News of a new niece or nephew on the way
  • A husband who still dates me
  • Libraries. Full of books. (I discovered a new one on Thursday!)
  • Walking to school this morning in galoshes – her little girl legs looked so cute as we tromped along
  • For the faithful work of God’s Spirit in me – even if it means feeling unsettled and undone at times

holy experience

Real Sight: Retraining your Focus

Call it being a problem-solver. A critical thinker. A realist.

These are good qualities. Aren’t they? I hope so. Because we’re a family chock-full of them! *wink*

All four of us tend in this direction. We’re always looking for ways to improve a thing. Often evaluating. Critiquing ideas. Thinking and talking about the world around us. I enjoy these things about us. It helps us to live well – with vision and leadership for our numbered days.

But, it has its dark side. Sometimes the weight of it can be crushing. And, all too often, it can lead to an ungrateful heart. . .

A disposition that always notices the things undone instead of being happy about the ones that are finished. Always viewing my to-do list with dread because I can never get it all done and the things crossed off never seem to catch up with the boxes yet unchecked. There is little joy in the process or in the very work itself.

A tendency to miss the current moment because I’m focused on the thing I forgot to bring or the fact that we’re running late. Scurrying from thing to thing, a little out of breath and distracted.

A bent toward improving behavior instead of delighting in a heart that is wrestling. Pushing for more instead of just rejoicing in the small victories.

These are the dark sides of being a critical thinker. I don’t think that means we should stop “excelling still more.” I don’t think we should pretend that life doesn’t disappoint or that some behaviors are OK when they’re not or that the things on my to-do list don’t matter when they do.

But, I do think I can adjust my focus. I can train my eyes to look for the good stuff. I can guide my vision to find the precious in the midst of the mundane. I can reorient my disposition toward gratitude – always.   

A heart that declares: this is enough. This moment. This day. These people. It’s enough. My friend Ann at A Holy Experience calls it being a Joy Finder.

And, BTW, what I’m really saying is that God is enough. He’s the Giver of these moments, these blessings, these people. His gifts are more than adequate. Will I believe that? Will I embrace it moment by moment, day by day? I want to. Will you join me?

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Praying for continued heart change and training my vision on the good stuff:

  • Fall temps and the wind blowing through the trees again
  • Scones and hot tea on the patio on Saturday morning
  • My chocolate brown fleece pullover – cozy during Caleb’s football game
  • New legos and the boy room all strewn with creations
  • Sounds of cousin laughter
  • Dark chocolate-covered pomegranate seeds from T Joes and sampling them in the car on our way home
  • Friday breakfast dates with the man who still makes my stomach flip-flop
  • Laughing until we can barely breathe
  • Clearing the desk piles… for now anyway
  • The bread & the wine and Sunday’s sacred reminder

holy experience

How to Make it Home Before the Darkness Falls

As I crack the door, I hear the sounds of laughter. They’re congregating around Faye’s big wooden kitchen table.

The chatting is easy now and the cares of the day roll away as we settle in. Coffee flows freely and we drink deeply of community.

We reminisce about the amusing moments of the day: the guy with the funny name who called the office earlier that day and her trying not to giggle as she took the message; the silly antics of kiddos who ask crazy things of us mamas; the angry man who cussed at her because she had pulled her foreign car too close to his American one. Recounting the day puts it into perspective and, oh, how we laugh.

Pretty soon one of us glances at the clock and our playful banter turns to the more serious stuff of life. We’ve been reading a portion of Titus 2 together – “encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.” We’re asking ourselves what it means to live this out. How do we pursue these seven qualities? And how can we encourage each other in that pursuit? Could we really dishonor the very words of God if we don’t?

This is where you will find us on the first Wednesday night of every month. Around this table. Coffee cups in hand. Journals open and ready. Kids all tucked in at home under Dad’s care. Each month we explore another quality on the Titus list and we ask each other the hard questions. The questions that are all too easily ignored in the fast pace of life. Questions like: How are you doing at loving your husband? What does it mean to be a worker at home? Are you doing what it takes to maintain a pure heart?

We’ve been at it for about eight months now. Call it an accountability group, call it a gathering, call it whatever you want. We just know that we need each other. We know the women that we want to be and we know that gaps that keep us from being those women. We know that we want to make it “home” before dark. Home to Jesus before we’re vulnerable, stumbling around in darkness. And we’re just humble enough to know that the stumbling happens all too easily. We’ve all seen the carnage along the path – women who decided they just couldn’t love their husbands anymore or got distracted from the simple stuff of tending their home or stopped being vigilant over their own hearts. We know what is at stake.

And so we meet together, talking or emailing in-between our monthly gatherings. We celebrate birthdays together, bring cookies or flowers to each other when needed, pray for the hard stuff, rejoice in the good stuff, email encouraging words, and check-up on each other. Each month looks a little different depending on the need. In many ways, we’re still figuring out how to make the most of our time together. I’m not sure there’s a formula. I just know that I’m coming to really love these women and that I am grateful to have them in my life.

We’re five very different women. There is variety in our loves and hobbies. Some of us work outside the home, some of us have part-time jobs we can do from home, one of us is a full-time homemaker. We have kids that span the toddler through teenage years. Three of us have kids in Christian schools, the other two have kids at public schools. We serve in our church and community according to our different giftings.

Our common bond is simply Jesus. We are grace-dwellers, seeking with our whole lives to worship the One who rescued us.

And, we are finding that the seeking is all the richer as we do it together.

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