You’ve probably noticed that the keystrokes have been quiet for the last month or so here in my little corner of the internet. My usual tapping away has stalled. Not so much the pondering but the voicing of those thoughts.
They say that’s bad for a blog. Go figure, silence doesn’t really attract readers. But, it had to be done.
Acutally, at first it was unintentional. The days slipping by with springtime tasks, a busy school schedule, and a family bout with Strep Throat.
But, then I realized that the break was good. My heart had been a jumble of thoughts and emotions. Sometimes it’s just best to keep silent vigil on those thoughts. To reel in the tongue and be slow to speak.
It’s not a new lesson for me. My words have gotten me in trouble before. So much of life is like that. Relearning the things I’ve learned before. Applying them afresh. Letting my failures drive me to dependence on God’s Spirit and begging Him for heart-level transformation.
This time it all started with the fervor over the healthcare bill here in the U.S. There was so much banter about it on Facebook. I allowed myself to get sucked in by it. I could feel this “righteous indignation” (at least that’s what I’d like to call it!) flaring up in my soul and I felt compelled to comment. It wasn’t extremely divisive comment but it also just didn’t need said. And, even when I wasn’t commenting, I was anxious and concerned about commenting.
Then, just a few days later, there was the “discussion turned debate” with a friend about ministry to the poor. Another time where my heart was getting worked up and I realized about half-way through it that I just never should have commented in the first place.
As I sheepishly relayed both discussions to my Rick, he asked some great questions and it sent me into a time a healthy examination. Why do I feel compelled to enter into these discussions? What do I think is going to be accomplished by my sassy status post? Is my motive to lovingly enter into thought-provoking discussion with others or is it shove my perspective into the face of another? What am I trying to prove – to myself, to others? Why do I feel responsible for what other people are thinking?
Furthermore, what do I want to want to be known for? My political leanings? Sheesh, I hope not. What am I willing to go to the mat for? Healthcare reform in one generation in one nation – which is simply one place in a vast universe? I think not.
Nevermind the fact that I have a limited number of hours to spend in my days. If I’m using them arguing on Facebook, you can bet that the laundry is not done, that I’m distracted when the kids have a question, that I’m falling behind on articles that I should be writing, and that I’m wearied instead of refreshed when my husband walks through the door at 6 p.m.
Does that mean that I should just park my brain and not think with a critical lense about the things I see and hear – whether on Facebook or on the news or on talk radio or on a blog? Does that mean I shouldn’t care about political issues that have their ripples in the moral realm? No, of course not.
I just want to be a woman who chooses well. I want to live with vision – spending my time and words on the things that matter most. I don’t want to speak just because I can. I want my words to bear fruit – in my life as well as in yours.
Perhaps my Lord said it better than I when He penned these words through His servant Paul in his letter to the church at Philippi:
Do all things without grumbling or disputing; that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life…
Let me be a woman who holds fast to the word of life.
And if that gets clouded by the worries of this world or gets jumbled by competing thoughts, let me be a woman who just shuts up. *wink*
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Thanks for coming back to ponder with me afresh! I look forward to more musings with you in the days to come. And, I appreciate your grace during my silence this last month, Shannon
I am so proud of you, Shannon!!! These are all lessons I have learned over, and, over in my life. You’re an amazing Christian Sister, and, well, being the “seasoned” friend, I feel honored to know you and proud of your growth! Peace in your pace! Peggy
What am I willing to go to the mat for? Healthcare reform in one generation in one nation – which is simply one place in a vast universe? I think not.” powerful.
glad you are voicing your thoughts again, though obviously the time to think has been beneficial, not just for you but for me now as well. such a fine line to not think our voice is too powerful yet not let it be silenced.
love you!