He’s learning the way of brokenness. Learning to bow his stiff neck and soften his rebellious heart.
He used to think getting punished was the hard part. He’s realizing that dealing with his heart is actually much more difficult. The agony of dealing with your own motives and the examining of what it really means to be “sorry.”
On this day, he had come up the hall from his bedroom, tears spilling over in desperation. He was mustering the courage to ask the thing that was plaguing his heart. “Dad,” he managed, “how do you know? How do you know when the sorry has moved from your mind where you know it was wrong, to your heart where you truly believe it was wrong?”
He’d had a hard day at school. His ill-fated burp in the face of a girl in his class had set into motion a series of events that got him into trouble. And, when he gets in trouble at school, he gets in trouble at home. But, that was all over. Discipline had come and gone. Forgiveness had been extended.
So why the tears and the current quandary? Because, he knew in his heart of hearts that he had only sort-of embraced his error.
Truth be told, he was still kind of frustrated with his teacher and with the friend who had “turned him in.” He was blame shifting. Looking for someone else to share his load of guilt.
He also wasn’t so sure that he wouldn’t do it again. He sort-of liked burping in her face. What he hated was getting into trouble for it.
Hence, the question. How do I get the realization that ‘I know it was wrong’ to move from the realm of facts to the deeper places of my heart? How do I get to a point where I hate the crime, not just the consequences?
Our answer: YOU don’t. This is a thing only God can do. And, He has already promised that He will respond to our heart’s cry. He will do it.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26
We talked with him about true repentance. What it means; what it doesn’t mean. Rick gave him a practical definition to help him grab onto it and remember it. We showed him King David’s life as an example. It was a quite a process. Back to his room he would go to think and journal and look at passages from his Bible. Internalizing some of the verses he had been memorizing. I could see the desperation on his face whenever he emerged to talk some more. The tears came in earnest that evening as his 10-year-old heart wrestled.
And he’s so honest that he couldn’t just let it go. He needed to be real about his sorry. He needed to press on.
I felt like I was witnessing something profound. Something a lot of adults won’t even dare to do. This kind of humility and hunger and authenticity and true searching.
Most of us are too busy covering our junk or hiding from ourselves to be willing to look beneath the surface and ask the deeper questions of the heart.
Caleb took a step toward true godliness that evening. But he wasn’t the only one. We who watched and coached were impacted too. Changed by his willingness to honestly look and ask the hard questions. Reminded that the matters of the heart need the touch of a Master Healer. One who can take the stubborn, willful heart of stone and replace it with a pliable, humble heart of flesh.
This brought tears to my eyes to see your young man have such a tender heart that’s not often found in adults. Thank you & Rick both for parenting & modeling with integrity, raising a generation who will not forget the God who was, and is, and is to come.