Conversations that Matter

Posted in Conversations, Friendship, Life with tags , on December 17, 2009 by shanskie

I ran into a dear friend this morning. She was dropping off her daughter for a special program at our school, I was dropping off my own kids for their regular school day. We rarely see each other midweek like that. But, as we walked away from our brief interaction, I reflected on how much I love being her friend.

The thing I love about Pam is that time with her makes me a better woman. There are several things that make our friendship enjoyable: it’s comfortable and time-tested. We’ve served in ministry together, we’ve walked through heartbreaking situations together, we’ve laughed (it’s hard NOT to laugh with Pam), we’ve encouraged each other in childrearing, we’ve disagreed and learned to love well even in those moments, and oh, how we’ve talked (we both love words). Now, as our husbands pastor in different churches and our kids are older, we see each other less often; but our history makes it easy to delve right back in.

The thing I love most is that we always talk about things that matter. We sharpen each other as we talk about the day-to-day. There’s accountability and challenge as we both pursue excellence in our inner lives. Oh, don’t get me wrong, we laugh and talk about ridiculous stuff too. But, somehow, it always comes back around to the stuff that really matters. I always leave with courage to keep on. To live with purpose, humility, and grace. To remember that it really all comes back to loving: God and people. Ultimately, Pam points me to Jesus. I love that about our friendship.

Our conversation wasn’t even that long. Ten minutes, maybe. But, those 10 minutes gave me the courage to continue in my desire to stop the Christmas madness and focus my energies back on Jesus.

I hope you have people like that in your life. God created us with relationship in mind. He never intended for us to gut it out alone. If you don’t have a Pam, ask God to lead you to one. Look for opportunities to grow your existing relationships or take a risk to try a Bible study or a book club or something. Something that would move you from conversations about how cold it’s gotten this week to conversations about the stuff that really matters. To the stuff that will last into eternity…

Waiting for Christmas

Posted in Advent, Celebrations, Family with tags , , , on December 16, 2009 by shanskie

Right now the trough is empty save a few handfuls of hay. The cow hovers nearby. A few sheep are on the hillside with their shepherd. In a week, it will be a different scene but for now, we wait. Waiting for Mary on her donkey and Joseph. For the starry host and the Babe.

It’s a tradition we started when Caleb was a toddler. Like so many of you, we were looking for a way to bring Christmas alive for our kids. Not the buying frenzy that Christmas has become. But, the real Christmas. The one that celebrates the mystery and glory of the God of the universe taking on flesh to live with us. And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. – Jn. 1:14

How could we stay our hearts on that reality? How could we help our kids do the same? Afterall, the lure of gifts wrapped under the tree can be a lot more powerful in a young heart than a story about a baby born 2,000 years ago in a place we’ve never been for a reason that, while profound, can be a little hard for young minds to understand.

So we began to look for a nativity. There are some beautiful sets out there but we wanted one that they could play with. Something they could touch and interact with over and over again. (And, play they have. I’m pretty sure that Joseph and the angel did NOT have a swordfight with the shepherd’s staff in the Biblical record. But, it didn’t take our warrior-son Caleb long to figure out that it could be done in his account in our living room!)

We also decided to keep the manger empty. We wanted them to anticipate the coming. “When does Jesus come, Dadda?” “Patience. Mary and Joseph will come soon, as Christmas nears. You’ll just have to wait.”

And the waiting is good, I know. Admittedly, I’m not very good at it. I usually skip ahead about half-way through a book and read the last chapter because I can’t stand the anticipation. The not-knowing kills me. But, expectation and hunger can be a good thing. It reminds us that there is something more to come. Something left undone will finally be completed. The status quo isn’t the end-all.

Deep in our hearts, we sense that there’s more and we long for it. We wait for it.

And, so, we hope. Christmas reminds us of that. He came once 2,000 years ago. He left His throne and passed through the heavens to become a babe. A babe who would grow up to live the life that I should have lived and die the death that I deserved to die.

But, there is something more to come. He’s coming back. (I’ve read the last chapter!) The waiting isn’t over. I am still full of anticipation as I look for His return.  And I saw heaven opened; and behold, a white horse, and He who sat upon it is called Faithful and True; and in righteousness He judges… Rev. 19:11

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He shall dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be among them, and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying or pain; the first things have passed away.” Rev. 21:3-4

 I still wait because the first waiting makes no sense without the second waiting.

In few days our trough will be full. Mary and Joseph will come to our creche and the kids will anticipate the arrival of our Playmobile Jesus. For now, the waiting will be over. We’ll rejoice in that birth. And, we will celebrate. It will be a great day.

But, all the while, we’ll be looking for His return. …and behold, a white horse, and He who sat upon it is called Faithful and True…
holy experience

Reclaiming Thanksgiving

Posted in Celebrations, Family, Gratitude with tags , on November 23, 2009 by shanskie

“The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.” – H. U. Westermayer

I’ve started calling it the “Lost Holiday”. You know the one – it’s sandwiched in between Halloween and Christmas. It’s the one without much fanfare. There are no costumes or school parties. No candy to be hoped for and consumed. No presents under a tree, stockings stuffed to overflowing, or Toys R Us catalogs to peruse. In our consumer culture, Thanksgiving stands in the shadows of these other celebrations.

I’ve noticed that the eclipse has become more and more complete each year. American retailers set the pace for the rest of the country and, let’s face it, giving thanks is not really a big money-maker for them.

In most stores this year, the minute the orange and black trinkets were clearanced, the red and green decorations came out. I’ve heard Christmas music in at least one store and seen my fair share of Christmas advertising already.

And, we willingly follow their lead. One only need look down the street at yard after yard already decorated for Christmas.

Mind you, I’m not saying it’s wrong to be excited about Christmas. And, shame on me if I were to embrace a legalism about when we’re allowed to hang the Christmas lights and when we’re not. No, that’s not my aim.

My hope is simply to encourage a pause. Foremost, in my own heart, perhaps in yours as well. Could we just not eclipse the one day that we’ve set aside to give thanks? Will you join me as I quiet my heart this week and purpose to cultivate an attitude of gratitude? To slow down and reflect on the past year (or the past month or the past week) with a thankful heart. A grateful heart for all of it: the good, the bad, and the ugly in our lives.  

Maybe you’ll start a new family tradition that points you toward gratitude. Maybe you’ll spend a few more minutes praying to the One who gives so lavishly. Maybe you’ll stress a little less over the perfect centerpiece and just enjoy the simple. Maybe you’ll just look across the table and choose to see something precious in your spouse or your kids – a reminder of why you’re grateful for them in your life. Whatever it is, won’t you join me in recovering the Lost Holiday?

Maybe it will jump start a new thing in your life that moves out of one Thursday each year and into the very fabric of your life.

For now, I continue my gift list. I’m joining with others in an online Gratitude Community to reflect on the good gifts. Here is a smattering from this week:

  • little second-grade friends for Madison to share life with
  • piano music that calms my heart and ministers to my soul
  • our Community Group and life stories that point to God’s glory
  • one of the most beautiful Novembers of the last few years
  • Fall hikes with the kids
  • blogs and sites that allow me to benefit from the creativity of others
  • reading that connects deeply and brings out the best in me
  • colorful pens and papers
  • finished projects
  • father and son watching the Buckeyes together on Saturday

holy experience

Tramping thru the Great Door

Posted in Letterboxing, Life, Nature with tags , , on November 19, 2009 by shanskie

As you sit on the hillside, or lie prone under the trees of the forest, or sprawl wet-legged by a mountain stream, the great door, that does not look like a door, opens.”  - Stephen Graham, The Gentle Art of Tramping

 Crisp November days beckon and the door opens…  

A door to adventure.

 

 A door to God’s glory. Eyes open, attentive to His handiwork.

  

  

 A door to relationship. Contemplating. Laughing. Listening. Loving.

Don’t let the November days pass you by, lost in the haze between Halloween and Christmas. For just a moment, ignore the ads, the Santa blow-ups that already fill neighborhood yards, the December social calendar and accompanying to-do lists. For now, choose instead to savor November’s gold. Open the door…

Saying “I’m Sorry” and the Journey from Head to Heart

Posted in Children, Conversations, Faith with tags , on November 18, 2009 by shanskie

He’s learning the way of brokenness. Learning to bow his stiff neck and soften his rebellious heart.

He used to think getting punished was the hard part. He’s realizing that dealing with his heart is actually much more difficult. The agony of dealing with your own motives and the examining of what it really means to be “sorry.”

On this day, he had come up the hall from his bedroom, tears spilling over in desperation. He was mustering the courage to ask the thing that was plaguing his heart. “Dad,” he managed, “how do you know? How do you know when the sorry has moved from your mind where you know it was wrong, to your heart where you truly believe it was wrong?”

He’d had a hard day at school. His ill-fated burp in the face of a girl in his class had set into motion a series of events that got him into trouble. And, when he gets in trouble at school, he gets in trouble at home. But, that was all over. Discipline had come and gone. Forgiveness had been extended.

So why the tears and the current quandary? Because, he knew in his heart of hearts that he had only sort-of embraced his error.

Truth be told, he was still kind of frustrated with his teacher and with the friend who had “turned him in.” He was blame shifting. Looking for someone else to share his load of guilt.

He also wasn’t so sure that he wouldn’t do it again. He sort-of liked burping in her face. What he hated was getting into trouble for it.

Hence, the question. How do I get the realization that ‘I know it was wrong’ to move from the realm of facts to the deeper places of my heart? How do I get to a point where I hate the crime, not just the consequences?  

Our answer: YOU don’t. This is a thing only God can do. And, He has already promised that He will respond to our heart’s cry. He will do it.

 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26  

We talked with him about true repentance. What it means; what it doesn’t mean. Rick gave him a practical definition to help him grab onto it and remember it. We showed him King David’s life as an example. It was a quite a process. Back to his room he would go to think and journal and look at passages from his Bible. Internalizing some of the verses he had been memorizing. I could see the desperation on his face whenever he emerged to talk some more. The tears came in earnest that evening as his 10-year-old heart wrestled.

And he’s so honest that he couldn’t just let it go. He needed to be real about his sorry. He needed to press on.

I felt like I was witnessing something profound. Something a lot of adults won’t even dare to do. This kind of humility and hunger and authenticity and true searching.

Most of us are too busy covering our junk or hiding from ourselves to be willing to look beneath the surface and ask the deeper questions of the heart.

Caleb took a step toward true godliness that evening. But he wasn’t the only one. We who watched and coached were impacted too. Changed by his willingness to honestly look and ask the hard questions. Reminded that the matters of the heart need the touch of a Master Healer. One who can take the stubborn, willful heart of stone and replace it with a pliable, humble heart of flesh.

The Quiet Voice of Gratitude

Posted in Children, Faith, Gratitude with tags , , on November 16, 2009 by shanskie

If there’s one thing I’ve observed over the years, it’s that gratitude comes quietly. Doesn’t it? The angry, frustrated voices always seem louder than a soft-spoken word of thanks or a heartfelt word of appreciation.

It’s so obvious in our children.  The toddler who stomps his feet and cries out in protest is so much noisier than the child who offers a simple thank-you. We correct these sorts of tantrums and spend our days reminding our kids to say “thank-you”.  How often have you heard the words “Now, what do you say?” from an embarrassed mom coaching her little Janie along?

Why does the task seem so daunting? Why do the kids seem so slow to catch it? Perhaps, in part, it’s because we fail to model it. Afterall, we’re not so different from them, are we? What of our tantrums? Oh, they’re shrouded in big words and reasoned arguments. But, aren’t they really just tantrums? When our government doesn’t do what we think it should? When our boss doesn’t affirm us like we think we deserve? When we see injustice or inequity? When we don’t have the house or the car we want? When we face disappointment and hurt from the people around us?

Perhaps Caleb and Maddie fail to thank me for taking care of their clothes, food, and activities because I fail to thank God for His provision in all things. Perhaps the demanding and the foot-stomping that I do are louder than the soft-spoken words of gratitude.

Oh, for a heart that is brimming with thanksgiving. For eyes that see the beauty…the hints of God’s grace all around. For ears that hear sweet shouts of joy instead of the dissonance that comes from a critical spirit.

I both fear it and long for it. I fear it because I know thanksgiving is a disposition of humility and dependence. I long for it because I know it is the path to contentment.

Let gratitude come softly and earnestly to my heart. Let it so permeate our home that words of “thanks” do not come out of obligation or well-bred manners. Instead, let them gush forth from a fountain of life – one that cannot be contained because it finds its source in Living Waters.

“Lord, please, will You do this thing in my heart?”

Quiet words of gratitude for today (may they drown out the tantrums):

  • weekend adventures in letterboxing: 3 stamps this Sat!
  • precious gatherings with Crossroads friends this weekend
  • crisp, clear days in November; crunchy leaves under my feet
  • tea and a scone for breakfast this morning
  • reading Narnia again with the kids in the evenings
  • quilted package from Mississippi
  • Friday lunch date with Rick
  • laughing together as a family
  • time with former students who are now dear friends
  • heart to heart conversations with my sisters; I love life with them

 
holy experience

Birthday Wishes and Questions Answered

Posted in Celebrations, Children, Faith, Life with tags , , on November 10, 2009 by shanskie

Sleepy girl, padding up the hallway with a smile already playing on her lips. “Happy Birthday, to me,” she sings with a grin. Bold at first and then a little embarrassed. Pausing to see if we’ll all join in and rejoice with her.

I watch her and ponder. On the one hand she’s altogether confident and free. Enjoying the safety of being known and loved. Secure in our relationships. And, then, in the same instant, a nagging wonder passes over her face. She’s asking: “Am I truly safe? Is it OK for me to be excited that it’s my birthday? Are YOU excited that it’s my birthday? Do you like me?”

Later, I watch her do it again. We’re at school delivering birthday treats to classmates and favorite teachers. So excited and confident, she makes a mental list. Principal, a few special teachers. She scoots right up to them with delight. Then the nagging fear again: “Do you care that it’s my birthday? That I love M&M cookies and brought one homemade just for you? Maybe I should retreat a bit afterall.” Timid Maddie peeks out to see if it’s safe.

Of course, you and I both know that she’s not the only one asking those questions.

It’s a funny thing we do, isn’t it? Longing to be known and yet a little fearful that being known will mean being rejected. In time, most people learn to hide from those nagging questions. To pretend they’re not there or to overcompensate so that they’re not so loud in our hearts. We push them aside but we all know that they’re still there. Whether we’re 8 or 88, we’re still wondering: “Am I loved? Can I do something that would make you stop loving me? Is it OK for me to be silly or to let you see my true heart?”

As I celebrate her birthday today, I pray that my Maddie would settle the nagging questions. I know that Rick and I play a role in that settling process. As do friends and family. We can help her feel comfortable in her own skin.

But, in truth, what she really needs to know is that the One who made her adores her. The One who knit her together those nine months in my womb, He loves her. He knows her – every nook and cranny of Madison McKee is intimately known and loved by the Maker of heaven and earth. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that all the junk could be removed and she could stand before Him whole. Unfettered relationship. Knowing and being known. He’s not some far away, cosmic force. He’s her God. He’s here, bending over her as she sings. Giving her gifts far better than any we could afford: peace, joy, purpose, rest. Abundance. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. He will answer the nagging questions. He’s truly the only One who can.

 Fall Dance

...and the dance goes on....

 ....sweet Maddie.

Beauty Challenge: Muddy Jeans and the Boy Who Wears Them

Posted in Faith, Family, Gratitude, Homemaking, Life with tags , , on November 9, 2009 by shanskie

The challenge was a simple one. Find beauty this week. That was her admonition – find it even in the ugly. My new cyber friend with her wise words and tender heart. How did she know that my heart was wrestling with the ugly? Weary from it. Prone to focus on it and miss gratitude.

She was embarking on a beauty hunt and she was challenging me to do the same. Her words: “You’re warmly invited to join me in a Beauty Challenge this week, your own motley crew of bottles, your own furniture vases, your own hunt for God with slips of beauty not bought but quietly and unexpectedly uncovered. A twig may become art when attended to. Of course, not all the found beauty will fit in a vase. Some will find a perfect container in a gratitude journal. Regardless what empty place you will with beauty, it will grace you, this week, a life, with God.” Her questions: Can beauty be uncovered anywhere? Do I have eyes to see? Can I find God here? Isn’t that always the challenge?**

Wouldn’t you know that my beauty hunt brought me to the laundry room? How many hours do I spend in that room warring against the mud and the grass stain? Banishing the wrinkles? Mending the wounded buttons or scarred hemlines? So many hours and so little glamour.

Muddy JeansAnd, oh, that boy of mine. He approaches life with such passion and intensity. And, it shows. On his clothes. Some people can wear their jeans for a few days before a wash. Not my guy. Not the boy who MUST dive for the football at recess. Or climb under the shed when he’s playing hide and seek. Or roll through the mud while wrestling with his buddy in the leaf-strewn back yard.

Muddy CleatsHow I scrub at those jeans. Day after day. Survival has forced me to learn the tricks. Fels Naptha for the grass stains. Spray cleaner for the other stains. Scrub brush and warm water for the mud. I’ve learned to keep his church jeans separate from the rest. And, I adore Sears for their Kidvantage program, for when the holes inevitably come. They always do. He never outgrows them first. The holey knees always come first. It’s been this way as long as I can remember – ever since his toddle morphed into a run. 

Oh, the mud......and the mud...But, here’s where the challenge comes full circle: Can I find beauty in those muddy jeans? Could my cringe turn into a smile when I see him round the bend all muddy at school pick-up? Instead of wondering why he’s dirtier than all the other boys, could I encourage him to keep giving it his all? Is it so bad that he likes to throw his whole body into an impossible catch or an unlikely tackle?  

What if those muddy jeans actually say something beautiful about Caleb? Something that I hadn’t noticed before. What if…

 

 

holy experience

Finding beauty is a wonderful thing. Will you join us as we look for it? And then thank the One who embodies it and lavishes it on us?

__________________________________________________________

**And, please be sure to visit Ann’s original post so that you can enjoy the fullness of her words – those that spurred me to look beyond the ugly:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/11/beauty-challenge-because-gods.html.

NEOTA Day – McKee Style

Posted in Children, Family, Life with tags on October 16, 2009 by shanskie

Today is NEOTA day. Honestly, I’m not sure what that means or why it constitutes a day off when school’s only been back in session for 7 weeks or so. What I do know is that my kids are home for the day.

It’s also Rick’s day off so that makes for fun times at the McKee home.

The only bummer is that it’s cold and rainy so our pumpkin patch plans are a scratch. Undaunted, we have regrouped to the classic way every kid knows is best for free days indoors: building a fort.

They have collected blankets and pillows from every bed in the house. They have raided Caleb’s closet (otherwise known as “the armory”). They have smuggled rations. And, they are now ready to defend the house against The Giant Troll Butt. (That would be Rick.)

NEOTA Day, I don’t know why you exist but thanks for giving us a fun day at home together…

Entering the second level

Deeper into the lairPreparing to defend the fort...Nerf dart extractionAgent Mad Maddie Reporting for dutySquished guard dog (formerly known as a webkinz)

Did I mention that it’s almost Noon and they’re still in their pjs? A toast to St. NEOTA…

Far-Away Friends and The Tapestry of This Life

Posted in Community, Friendship, Gratitude with tags , on October 15, 2009 by shanskie

I must confess that I’ve been feeling a little bit sorry myself lately. I’ve been feeling the pangs of long-distance friendship. My friend Amy had her art show opening a few weeks ago – two hours away. Two hours makes it kind of hard for popping in to say “hi” and delight in her work. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t go. Then there’s Missy in Nebraska. She & Bill just brought home the latest addition to their fam: sweet Lucy adopted from Ethiopia. If I’m honest with myself, I realize I’ll probably never even get to hold little Lulu, let alone know her. And, what of Nancy in Orlando who has just survived breast cancer? Her faithfulness has inspired me from afar and I just long to stop by with a basket of tea and homemade bread. To pray with her, hear this phase of her story. To play cards with her and Dave…

Time will get away from me if I begin to tell you about Coletta in Colorado or Mayra in Mexico or Sunghee in S. Korea or Scott & Lis in Indy or Tim & Tammy in Chicago or Tom & Julie in Columbus… on and on the list could go. Precious friends that have left an indelible mark on my life. How can I begin to explain the soul sharing and the heart transforming that happened in scraps of time here and there. Scraps that have been woven together in creating the tapestry of my life today.

Scraps women in timeEach scrap represents an investment – them in me and me in them. A conversation or a perspective or a moment in time that shaped me. Sometimes through tears, sometimes laughter. Through various life stages, disappointments and challenges. Walking through the mess of life together, we were impacting each other.

Today, life marches on…  Blogs and letters keep the connection alive. But, there’s no denying that it is different. All relationship comes with risk and change.

Now we’re scattered here and there, around the world. And, I’m reminded, once again, that I can choose gratitude. I can feel sorry myself or I can thank God for these dear ones. I can pray for them. Rejoice and mourn with them from afar. Hope with them for the consummation of all things in Jesus.

And, of course, there are the new scraps. New fibers in the tapestry of this life…woven right in alongside the others. Adding texture and color that makes the whole piece more beautiful.